MERRY CHRISTMAS CHARLIE BROWN!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS Readers!! The Honest Man will be taking some well deserved time off this week to spend time with his family. Depending on how stuffed my belly is, I'll either be back on here before New Year's or after I have my bowl of hoppin johns :-)

In the interim, enjoy the cartoon above....

Pimps or Prophets

"Chuuurccchhh's Chiiickkeeennnn" - Kirk Franklin & the Family in the early 90s Church's Chicken commercial

Do you remember the character Reverend Leon Lonnie Love from the tv show Martin? He was a preacher with noticeable flaws :-). One line that I will always remember is when he said he use to be a pimp but now he only pimpeth for the Lord. In some ways he represents some of the false prophets out there supposedly spreading God's message but really all they doing is pimping those good natured Christian folks for their hard earned dollars.

Now let me set the record straight. I was raised as a Christian. In my family, going to Church (and IHOP afterwards) was mandatory. It didn't matter if Mama and Daddy got in late from their Saturday night out, if the family woke up late, if there was no more hot water because my sister used it all up, or if you wanted to eat before Church, YOU WERE GOING TO CHURCH. As an adult, I have been trying to get back in that mode since somewhere between college and now, I stopped going because of my conflicts with some of the church leaders. Some of them I feel are really good preachers, carry a strong message, and portray themselves correctly as messengers of the Lord. Others I feel are no different than a Pimp named Slickback.

For awhile, I have been searching for that moment in Church where that bulb goes off in my head and I go "I GET IT". It's almost similiar to that feeling that Hiro Nakamura from Heroes had when he learns to master time travel and screams YES at the top of his lungs. Unfortunately, for the most part, when I go to Church, my Spidey sense starts tingling that something is wrong and I'm about to get a pimp lecture from the pastor and his associates. Instead of listening to the message, I find myself wondering when I should shoot the pastor with my web slinger, string him up in the air like a pinata, and let the church beat him with a stick to get their money back. And I say most part because I have been to a few churches (most recently Friendship West Baptist Church) and the pastor was phenomenal. Very real, great message, and no appearances of phoniness.

But Lord you have some false prophets on the other hand giving very mixed signals. I attended a friend's Church and the pastor's sermon was about how wrong it was to say Happy Holidays. That's not a misprint. He started off by saying that he got offended at someone for telling him Happy Holidays instead of saying Merry Christmas. Out of all the wrong things to talk about the Christmas season (more emphasis on gift buying instead of celebrating the birth of Christ come to mind), he focused on the phrase Happy Holidays. Now maybe I'm not understanding the message and it may be just me....Naw that's crazy talk, it's all on that dude. But yet I'm supposed to tithe for that. Puhlease, they should wait to pass the basket around after church and let us decide how much we should be give based on the message. "Aw that sermon was worth about a dollar so I'm giving him a dollar." CHUUUCCHHH.

Besides that specific example, you have situations where preachers have been accused of embezzlement, molestation, infidelity, etc but yet these are the folks who are supposed to be giving me the daily Bread of Life. Now true it's on me to do my part and come with an open mind but it's kind of hard to do that when you are staring at someone who's about to be registered as a sexual offender.

I don't know if I need to be less critical of these pastors or not. Lord, I'm definitely one of your Children but Brother Waldini needs a sign. Help me see past the foolishness, the nice suits, the nice cars, and fancy wordplay, and see that you indeed have a message for me. And let the Church say AAAAMMMMEENNNNN.


Today's Lesson

To quote the "great" Kirk Franklin, Silver and Gold, Silver and Gold, Iiiiii rather have Jesus, than Silver and Gold....Be on the lookout for me at church. I may just do a Terry Tate and knock the pimp out of the pulpit if I feel he's not really representing the Good Word.

The Secret of My Success

What you thought I was going to have a picture of Michael J Fox :-)? Nonetheless, this is not about movies but about corporate America. I've been working in corporate America for awhile and I've learned a few things along away. And I'm going to give you advice today that I really should be charging you for. So let's get this ball rolling....

You want to know the secret to moving up the corporate food chain. I’ll give you a hint, it’s not working hard. It’s not being the smartest person in your company. It’s an old white man. PERIOD. Not a woman, not man of a different race, but an older white gentleman that sees potential in you. Don’t get me wrong, you can move up the chain without having a white man behind you but trust me, there’s a glass ceiling at the top of the ladder. If you trying to be the CEO or sitting on the executive board, you better seek out Jim Watson and not Jamal Watkins or Maria Rodriguez.

Ok Waldini, so I need a white man? How do I get a high ranking one to put me down? For a woman, it’s pretty simple; you just need to be eye candy. That doesn’t mean you have to sleep with him or get your knees dirty to rise to the top. You just need to be easy on the eyes. But the looks will only get you in the door. You have to prove yourself too so that means putting your brain on display to match your booty. So when you get in front of high powered suits, do more than just show some cleavage. You want Jimmy to be first fantasizing about you before you open your mouth and then be deciding if you should be on the executive board as you do your how this saves the company money spiel. And definitely don’t do something stupid like blow off an important meeting or phone call. That will get you sent back to the minors with the rest of the worker bees and middle managers.

For the men, it can be tricky. Now for young white men, it’s usually a little easier since an old white man will basically think he’s looking at himself when he sees a younger white male. The only way they screw themselves is trying to bite the hand that fed them. For everyone else, you need to take advantage of situations. Normally there are company events where a high ranking white male comes and speaks with the audience. It’s on you to make this your moment and introduce yourself to him BUT also make sure he remembers you. Better yet, do some research on him before you talk to him so that when you do speak to him you can say something like “I’ve always admired you, especially when you did yada yada yada.” And if you’re going to discuss current events, let him dictate what he wants to talk about and adapt the conversation. That shows your diversity. How do I know it works? Because I’m doing it right now. See you at the top.

Today's Lesson

If you can find one to endorse you, the world is yours. I’m talking about attending events in the corporate suite, getting the down low on organizational changes, rubbing elbows with the power players in the company, and most importantly, watching your bank account grow like you stealing money all at once.