The Legend of Black Mamba

Have you ever seen The Legend of Bagger Vance? I'll give you a quick Honest Man Synopsis. Matt Damon is a golfer. Will Smith is his magical, mystical negro that appears out of nowhere from time to time (think Gazoo from Flintstones). Anyway, the legend helps Damon get his swagger back and even with the corny golf outfits, he "overcomes" obstacles to save the day.

Today's post is a spotlight on my Lakers. More specifically Kobe Bryant aka the Black Mamba. To me, he's the most polarizing NBA player of my current generation. He's loved by many. He's hated by many. To those that hate him, their blood gets going if anyone talks about him being on or near the same level as Michael Jordan. To those that love him, it's a neverending saga of defending every move that he makes (the Colorado incident, the 2004 Lakers breakup, the 2008 Finals debacle).

Unless you don't follow sports or are living under a rock, the NBA Finals is currently going on. Before the series started, I exchanged email conversations with a good friend of mine (lifelong Jordan fan, probably a lifelong enemy of Kobe if I had to put money on it). Anyway, he sent me some good articles about Kobe's legacy being defined by this Celtics-Lakers series and it got me thinking. No matter what Kobe does, no matter what door he shuts (inability to win an MVP, inability to win a title without Shaq), there is always a question. So it prompted me to write the following:

"What did I say about perspective :-)? After the 2004 debacle, never was the question asked "Can Kobe beat the Celtics?". You know why, b/c they weren't good. The only questions asked were "Can he win a title without Shaq?" and "Can he lead a team?". So flashforward to 2008, the Celtics are "back" and now that question is asked. In 2009, he answers two of those questions and the other one goes into hiding b/c the Celtics don't get to the Finals.

Now we're getting LA vs Boston again and it's "Can Kobe beat the Celtics?" again. If he wins, he answers that question but then the next questions will be "Can he tie and/or surpass his Airness?", "Can he get more titles than Magic?", "Is the he greatest Laker of all time?" yada yada yada. I'm like can we just appreciate what he's doing right now. 3 straight Finals appearances, and a current postseason run that he has been playing out of his mind. Sans the Thunder series, he's been killing folks.

You're right, he's playing a much better defense in Boston. And like you, I'm interested to see what he does this time around. He was flustered and frustrated in '08. I think that series helped him more than people want to believe. I forgot what article mentioned this week but so much has changed. '10 Rondo is more potent than '08 Rondo. Bynum didn't play. Artest wasn't on the team. Perkins D has evolved greatly. Glen Davis is a factor. Just lil stuff like that that folks are not considering. This is not a slam dunk series for either team, no matter what anyone wants to believe. I think it's stupid when I get posts on FB saying Lakers sweep or Boston in 5. Really? Do you watch basketball or just wanna show your diehardness? I know you didn't ask about that but I had to throw that in LOL.

Considering he has 4 titles, played in 7 Finals all over a 13 yr career, I say his way has been pretty successful. There a few players currently playing that have achieved the same success as Kobe. Do I agree with everything Kobe does? No. I blame him partly for the early 2000s breakup. I don't care how much someone agitates you, you don't put another man's personal life public (was, is, and always will be a bitch move). I didn't like the whining about trade me antics in 2007. And it drives me crazy that he only plays good defense when he respects his assignment.

Geesh you've got me speaking on this subject for more than 4 sentences and I vowed not to do that again :-). My wife and I argue about this quite a bit so between that and other folks comments, I usually go mum. No sense in arguing when there is no tangible outcome but for me to shrug my shoulders and go "Ok" ;-)"

Today's Lesson

Not really a lesson but more of food for thought for both Laker lovers and haters!

Played Like a Piano

I don't know if you youngins every heard of the great King Tee. He put out the timeless classic "Played like a piano" back in the day with my man Cube. Have you ever been close to doing some unbelievable-cannot believe I'm doing this shit-people gon' be mad cuz they can't do this shit only to have that dream crushed in a second. I call it getting played like a piano. It's like getting a shawty's phone number and agreement to go out with you, but then that trick plays you and doesn't show up. Well these are my trick playing me moments below.......

The first instance of played like a piano happened with my boy's bachelor party. My boy was marrying an NBA All Star's twin sister and immediately I had dreams of "This is gonna be the fuckin' dopest wedding gala EVER!". I remember one day it was him, me, and 2 of our other boys having lunch. He started telling us about his how his future brother in law took him to Vegas in a private jet over the weekend for his bachelor party. MGM Grand. Top Floor. You know where the rooms are like 10k and above a night. Told us that the entourage consisted of him, the b law, his b law's homeboys and various celebrities. Foxy Brown. Luke Walton. Shooting dice. Shooting pool. Sounds like some The Hangover shit don't it. When he finished his story, he told us his b law asked him why he didn't ask any of his boys to come. Yep we got played like a piano...

The next instance of played like a piano happened at my company's conference. One night I was at a party, sippin' some of that free corporate bubbly b/c I'm a corporate whore monger :-). Anyway, as I'm watching folks try to dance that had no rhythm and wondering why the DJ is playing a fucked up mix of music (he played Jigga's "Empire State of Mind" followed by some Britney Spears song, no lie), I spotted one of my customers. We start shooting the shit and catching up on old times when a manager walks up. He and the customer had lunch that day and the joke was the customer mistakenly called the manager my name. [Side note. The manager is Indian. I am black. He wears no glasses. I do. How do you confuse us? ]. So the 3 of us start talking and get on the subject of the NBA playoffs. Since the customer is in Phoenix and I'm a huge Lakers fan, we start jawing about what if the Lakers and Suns meet. The manager chimes in that hey if they meet in the playoffs, "I'll get you guys box seats in Phoenix." I was borderline tipsy but quickly perked up at hearing that comment. So what happens in 2 weeks? Both teams win their series and I'm immediately in that manager's ear talking about "what's up on those tickets!" This dude starts talking that political bullshit asking if this guy is the key decision maker on the deal, yada, yada, yada. So how does this end? How do you think? I got played like a piano....AGAIN.

Which brings us to the final chapter in the Played like a Piano trilogy. I'm working with this customer that has bought a shitload of products from my company. So much that it's like my company is giving this customer it's own key to the city, I kid you not. So one of the sales reps on the account tells me one day while we are talking that he and one of the customer's key people are going to an executive event. No biggie right? We do this shit all the time? Take customers to events in the US, normally at some resort. Nothing really to trip on. Fast forward a few weeks and I'm on a customer call with one of my co workers and the customer. My co worker makes a quick comment about well the sales rep and key customer contact are over in Africa for the World Cup. Cue record scratching. You wanna rewind that? Yea the executive event is the World Cup. He further adds did you know that our company had 10 slots for folks to attend the World Cup, 5 for our company, 5 for the customer. But only those 2 went. 8 tickets not used. Because the sales rep didn't want to spend any extra money. Of course it's not hurting anybody if it's just them two going. What. The. Fuck. For as much grind time I put in with this customer, I can't go to Africa. Yep you guessed it, played like a piano.....

Today's Lesson

Ain't no damn lesson today, the Honest Man is bitter. Fuck that shit, I wanna shoot dice with Luke Walton LOL.

What'chu talkin 'bout Willis!

"What'chu talkin 'bout Willis!" - Arnold Jackson

RIP Gary Coleman. The Honest Man was inspired by the untimely death of one of TV's greatest characters and catchphrases. You know the above character. You know the show Diff'rent Strokes. And you know the plot. What the Honest Man didn't know until he got older was how badly written the show was. But I'm not here to talk bad on the show nor spend a post discussing the psychological effects that Diff'rent Strokes had on 80s kids. I'm here to talk about that catchphrase that fits exactly what I'm about to write.....

The Honest Man is married. The Honest Man has kids. It's none of your damn business what my wife does for a living, how old are my kids, what are their names, etc, all you need to know is I have a family. And being that the Honest Man has a family, obviously that means I have responsibilities. So if you know I have a family and have responsibilities, why are you fucking trippin' when I tell you that you need to schedule ahead of time if you want me to do something with you???

I remember having training in my home city with a few of my single co-workers. They decided near the end of the day to do an impromptu dinner and I said "I won't be there." One person goes "It's just dinner, can't your wife watch the kids for a few hours" My eyes rolled, I converted to Diddy, and "explained" that my wife works too. You think she's prepared after an equally long day to handle both kids when normally we tag team? Furthermore, it's not a matter of going to dinner, it's a matter of giving me a heads up so we can plan it out. The person was like man you just scared of your wife. It's dumb shit comments like that where I go, what'chu talking 'bout Willis.

Let's be clear now so I have don't have to repeat myself. The Honest Wife has no issues with the Honest Man hanging out. We've been married almost 10 years and I've done everything from go to strip clubs in the wee hours of the am to kicking it in Miami with da homeys. And nope the wife wasn't out of town or suffering from some disease. You wanna know why I got to do things like that? Because I gave her AMPLE NOTICE. I didn't run up on her the night of the festivities and go me, Craig, and 'nem going to watch a bountiful of titties and asses tonight, that cool? Fuck naw, I told her weeks in advance what was happening.

And before you go, oh man, your wife is different, if the shoe was on the other foot, I want her giving me a heads up too if she's got plans. She's gon out of the country without me and left the kiddos behind. She's also done the girls night out at her own Chippendale's type spot. Regardless of the location, she always gave me a heads up. Which meant the person making the plans made sure to give her a heads up. See how that works? Simple muthafuckas do simple shit like make going to dinner complicated. If you coming in town, let a dude know ahead of time so I can plan. It's real simple.

I've been single. I know what it's like to travel for work and go kick it at night. And truss if I'm by myself and have no one to worry about later on, it's an easy decision. But when I have my family waiting at home, my focus becomes them. Fuck what you heard, I'm thinkin' family first, friends and acquaintances second!

Today's Lesson

The Honest Man loves hanging out. The Honest Man loves talking shit with the best of 'em. The Honest Man likes a good time. Is it too much for the Honest Man to ask that you give him a few days notice instead of just expecting the Honest Man is available on five minutes notice. It's bigger than you chief! CHUUUUCHH