Songs in the Key of the Honest Man's Life - Other Side of the Game.

How does one describe Erykah Badu? The face of 90s Neo Soul? The epitome of random weirdness? The mother of children who likely will face job discrimination because of their crazy names? The voodoo mistress who impacted every rapper she crossed paths with (see Andre 3000, Common)? Pioneer? Truth Teller? Borderline down ass/earth chick??

Honestly I dunno. I do know that I was an instant fan back in '96 when she dropped "On and on." It only got better when I copped "Baduizm" and said to myself INSTANT CLASSIC. Straight rocked the hell outta her CD for months. So imagine my disappointment when "Mama's Gun" dropped. And subsequent albums after that. Just gibberish shit that I didn't understand nor cared to. I was like, just make something that is in English por favor :-).

She's been making a mini comeback with her latest album. It's actually the closest thing I've heard to "Baduizm." And who knew that Badu had junk in the trunk (see "Window Seat" video)? It was like the Alicia Keys "if I ain't got you" video. Yep that kinda revelation. But anyway, today's SITK is my favorite cut off her first album. Her tale of struggling with the great lifestyle she has but all due to the fact her man is pushing snow. And I don't mean the kind you build snowman with kiddies. It's beautiful song that expresses her dilemma over what to do if someone indeed "comes for you."

Erykah Badu - Other Side of the Game

Remembering Dr. King

There will not be any funny comments today. No smart alecky or sacarstic commentary from the Honest Man. No duplicate post like two years where I expressed displeasure on certain pop culture topics. Nope I am coming at you openly, seriously, and honestly.

Today is Martin Luther King Day. Technically his birthday is January 15th but we always celebrate his day on the 3rd Monday every January. But regardless of the date, the point is to remember what this man did for the Civil Rights movement. He was the face of the bigger movement by our fathers, mothers, grandfathers, grandmothers, and countless others to give future generations the ability to do simple things such as get equal opportunities to vote and apply for jobs.

So in honor of him and to express my gratitude for all Dr. King did for folks like me, I'm posting his full "I Have a Dream" speech. Use this as a reminder for the struggle our predecessors went through and the obligation we have to carry on his message and make sure what he fought and died for was not in vain.

Thank You Dr King!

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Know Your Role & Shut Your Mouth - Natch tells it like it is!

The Honest Man decided yet again to launch another recurring blog entry. You might be going damn Honest Man, how many recurring blogs are you going to have? Well I thi....it's DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK JABRONI!!! The Honest Man will launch, deactivate, reactivate how ever many recurring themes for as long as the Honest Man wants to. And that's the bottom line, because The Honest Man SAID SO!!!

If you are able to read between the lines in the above paragraph, then you know what this new series is all about. And if you don't get it, no worries. But for those inquiring, it's wrestling related. Being a huge follower, particularly of the old school, I decided I would start posting some of my favorite promos and moments periodically.

Today's kickoff entry is really just an ode to my man the Nature Boy Ric Flair. Back in college, I used to pop in his tape and listen to his promos before I took big test. I get so motivated listening to him kick knowledge, that I in turn, would take that bravado and just go open a can of whoop ass on that same test. And usually the results were positive. So with that in mind, I'm giving you a motivational promo so that others can feel what it's like to be the man and walk that aisle...WOOOOOOO

Movies the Honest Man Loves - Lean on Me

I think you'll be hard pressed to find a more motivational movie filled with unintentional comedy than "Lean on Me." Seriously, it's got enough one liners and moments for a lifetime. Mr. Clark telling Sams to jump. Benson telling Mr. Clark he's the real HNIC. The man who cheated on Vanessa Williams in Soul Food but's a football coach in Lean on Me getting all Incredible Hulk and flipping over Mr. Clark's desk. Just classic shit.

One of my favorite scenes is the infamous bathroom scene (no not the one where ole girl gets her top ripped off). I'm talking about the one where Crazy Joe busts into the boys bathroom and threatens these dudes to sing the school song on the spot or be suspended. Does it ever occur to anyone that let's just say they didn't know the song? Could you imagine telling your parents you were suspended because you didn't know the words to a school song? Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. But anyway, the point is, I just love how the soon to be R&B group Riff gets their "Fair Eastside" on :-)

Movies the Honest Man Loves - Remember the Titans

Today's post was inspired by a lot of different things today. Let me first start with the good. The Honest Man is America's Next Top Corporate Negro (or at least I'm trying to be). I've been fortunate to accumulate awards and recognition for the grind work I've been putting in. The most recent just happened and brought the normal "You Go Boy!" from the family and closest friends plus some love from my bosses. That's the good news....

The not so good part about it. The lack of acknowledgment from my teammates. Less than 1/4 of my teammates offered congratulations. Think about that. I'm on a team of 10 plus people so do you the math. Even though we work in an environment that fosters competition, I still find it cordial to give praise when deserved. Shoot I've been on the other side hearing other folks' getting accolades and I gave them proper recognition (without a hint of jealousy mind you).

I couldn't help but think about that great scene from "Remember the Titans" when Wood Harris lets ole boy know about being on a "team." It so fit how I was feeling earlier. "You call THIS A TEAM?!?!?" Who knows maybe we'll end up yelling "Strong Side, Left Side" at some point ;-).

What the Honest Man is Listening To - Shiny Suit Theory

Wow, I haven't dropped an entry in this series since OCTOBER?? While I'm usually critical of the new music that comes out, I ain't that naive to think nothing good comes out. Besides what I'm about to drop today, I'm feelin' the Eminem-Nicki Minaj collabo, Kid Cudi's joint, that Michael Knight by Wiz Khalifa, you get the gist.

It's no secret, I'm a fan of Jay Electronica. Everything I've heard from him been no less than B+ work. And this new joint isn't any different. A super dope beat backed by equally dope verses from Jay and God emcee Jay Hova. He keeps this up and he'll become part of my homer club (see Kanye, Outkast, Mary J Blige, Sanaa) ha!


Jay Electronica f Jay Z and the Dream - Shiny Suit Theory

Sanaa vs Nia

"I couldn't keep it home, I thought I needed a Nia Long.
I'm trying to write my wrongs,
But it's funny these same wrongs helped me write this song" - Kanye West

Sanaa Lathan. Nia Long. Which one would you choose? That is the question today readers. It's one I've been asking my friends on email, Facebook, instant messenger and other social outlets. And it's one I've where the choice is not one sided. Before I get into that, I should explain how I even got to this point.

The Best Man. Good not great movie. If you haven't seen it, then what the hell are you waiting on :-)? Kidding, I won't spoil it for you. But I was watching it and observing Taye Diggs' character. He's dating Sanaa Lathan but thinking about possibly hooking up with his college crush in Nia Long. I'm going damn oh to be in this man's shoes. So I happened to be on IM, saw Dope Boy King on and asked him if he had to choose, who would he take? And he said Nia. I responded I'm a Sanaa man. At that point, I was like wow that's interesting we would opt for the other for different reasons (he was in love with Nia from Boyz in the Hood, I liked Sanaa after Disappearing Acts). So I expanded the question to others and below I've included some sample responses.


- Nia Long, can appreciate a lady in the streets and a freak in the bedroom..., but still got love for Sanaa (just a cup of dripping hot sexiness) Lathan.

- Since I was a Nia supporter. Here is why I chose her over miss Sanaa....... Because she was supertight in Friday and Boyz N Da Hood when I was a young hormone horny teenager. Soulfood and Love Jones (especially) icing on the cake. Lol Done end of discussion.

- Nia! Sorry but I have yet to see Sanaa in her birthday suit in a movie! Unless I missed something....which I dont think I have!

- Although that's by far a tough one I'd have to go with Nia Long hands down. Partially due to the way she looks now. Thick and juicy like a popeys drumstick...lol

- Sanaa. Nia seems a little high maintenance.

- Sanaa. What did it for me was her donkey in disappearing acts.

I should say the overall responses I got back had Sanaa winning but her responses were normally just "Sanaa" versus the Nia responses, I get a long explanation for why Nia. But on some of them, I got the good point of really does anyone lose in this case and say "no way". All I say is if you are a Nia supporter, at least I don't have to worry about you cock blocking me when I go after Sanaa.

Today's Lesson

Oh to be Taye Diggs :-). That's a tough call for any sane man and actually a GOOD scenario to be in. Because even you lose, you win in this case. The court will now rest....Feel free to post your own response :-)

Songs in the Key of the Honest Man's Life - Nothing Even Matters

I'm flipping it up on ya in today's Songs post fam. You probably thinking that after my recent bootylicious posts, I'm probably would hit you with a Luther Campbell or Doo Doo Brown classic to re-emphasize my point. Nope, I'm feeling the Love Movement, especially after watching "The Best Man" today :-).

1998 was the year Lauryn Hill dropped her debut (and only) solo album. From top to bottom, it's a classic and was properly rewarded at the Grammys. One of my favorite cuts on the album is her collabo with D'Angelo, Nothing Even Matters. I always thought it was the perfect love song. Beautiful words, very soulful harmony, just a beautiful matrimony. I can tell you when I made those Quiet Storm CDs, THAT song was normally on there.

Too bad at that moment in my life, I wasn't looking for long term love :-).


Lauryn Hill f D'Angelo - Nothing Even Matters

The Jeans Test

"Well it's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass" - Kenny Powers

Last month, I talked about how the snowflakes of the world are coming up in the bootilicious world. I wanted to come back with part 2 of my ongoing "Booty Call" entries but this time address a different subject. That's right my African queens, no continued discussions in this post about how Barbie is not far behind Beyonce in the ass department. This post is in fact about all women. And I felt I needed to address this subject because I myself have fallen victim to it and I suspect some of my my male readers have done the same. And that my friends' is the jean test!

What is the jean test? Simply put it's how you can truly determine if a woman's got an ass or not. Seems pretty straightforward doesn't it. Like a Homer Simpson Doh moment. Unfortunately, it's not always that easy to tell if a woman's packing junk in the trunk. I mean how many times when you meet a girl for the first time is she wearing jeans? Do you really even remember? Of course not. But I tell you what, you don't forget when see a chick that suffers from noassatall. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

I had a co worker that I had a small crush on. She was a little older than me but regardless, I thought she was beautiful. One of the things I thought was attractive about her was her body. She looked like she took good care of herself. And since she was a co worker, whenever I saw her she had pants or dresses on. One day I remember seeing her in black pants and was like "Van Damme!" her ass is bootylicious. Ironically a few days later, a bunch of us were hanging out at a sportsbar and she showed up wearing jeans. When she turned her body, I happened to catch a quick glance, and I was like oh hell no, what happened to her ass??? It's was like being in Nightmare on Elm Street, just a horrible horrible dream. I had been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, lied to, etc. And that was the day I said, if I want to know if a girl truly has been blessed with "ass"ets, then I'm mentally giving her the jeans test.

Do you know how difficult it is to invest in that test? Think about when you see females rocking spandex, bikini bottoms, tight fitting dresses, and what not? I have to forgo my initial thoughts and remind myself, don't proclaim this girl a champion until she puts on some jeans.

Now what's made my test not so foolproof anymore is that they are making jeans to accentuate the ass. Like Apple Bottom jeans. Similar to what the wonder bra does for the washboard women of the world, Apple Bottom and similar brand jeans now create miracles for the flat challenged. It's disheartening really because it makes it difficult to distinguish fact vs fiction. But not to the point where I don't make educated guesses :-)

And for the women who are going "You full of shit Honest Man" calm down! Ladies I would advise you do the same thing for dudes. Trust me, reverse the roles, think about the scenarios and likely you'll find the same result. Of course they haven't invented the male version of Apple Bottom so chances are, your decision making will likely be dead on.

Today's Lesson

Don't be fooled playas. Do your homework, keep an open eye, and don't find yourself tricked by an illusion. And if all else fails, just go for broke and do the old school Humpty, just grab her in the biscuits...and doowatchulyke!

It's a New Year Charlie Brown!!

Happy New Year Readers!! The Honest Man is already a day late in posting the first blog of 2011 but that's because I was too busy partying and running the streets. And that requires about a 1-2 da....aw who am I kidding. The Honest Man was enjoying not having to pick cotton during the holidays so I celebrated by doing a favorite pastime activity of mine...taking naps! Yep no getting drunk and embarrassing my family. No going to IHOP or your favorite diner to reduce the chance of a hangover. No trying to convince a waitress she should be working at the Pink Pony instead of IHOP at night this time. I kept it real simple and boring. Sleep, sleep, and more sleep!

But I'm getting away from the point of this post. In 2009, my first post was on New Year's resolutions. In 2010, my first post was a Songs in the Key entry. So I didn't know what to post. Should I come at you with more resolutions? Should I come at you with another Song entry? Nope I ultimately just said, just like my holiday break, Imma keep it simple for my loyal readers. For 2011, if you aiming to make moves, then start handling your business now. If you trying to catch up, then that means start working harder. And if you just hating, then pimp get your weight up, not your hate up (Shout out to D-Lo)! Catch ya'll on the way to the top!

Songs in the Key of the Honest Man's Life - Ghetto Musick

If you couldn't tell from previous posts, most notably the ones entitled "Da Art of Storytelling", I'm an Outkast homer. Since they burst onto the scene in '93, I've ridden with Big Boi and 3 Stacks on pretty much every thing they dropped. This past weekend, VH1 Soul did me a solid by playing 5 'Kast songs in a row. And one of them is one of my all time favorites in "Ghetto Musick".

The 808s on that joint are like the 808s used for "Bombs over Baghdad" but on crack. Meaning the sound is sped up even more than the already fast drums for BOB. As soon as Dre starts off with "Turn me up, don't turn me down..." it's officially on. Then Sir Lucious Leftfoot drops his classic verses spliced in with the Patti Labelle sample on the hook, it's a match made in heaven. Shoot, I know it still goes hard when my 1 year old stopped on a dime whatever he was doing, was mesmerized by the sound, and started getting crunk himself LOL.

OutKast - Ghetto Musick

Songs in the Key of the Honest Man's Life - Sobb Story

Leaders of the New School. LONS for short ha! Busta Rhymes, Dinco D, Charlie Brown and Milo. When they dropped "Just another case of the PTA" I was hooked. It's hard to describe to their style, it was just different yet dope. Then when I heard them on the classic posse cut "Scenario", I was like, their CD is mine. And I wasn't disappointed. The only thing I was disappointed by was their breakup a few years later....

My favorite cut from them all time is "Sobb Story." Don't ask me why. Well you can ask me and I'll tell you it's simply for the hook "I know you and you know me..." Such a great I didn't have nothing-now I do-now I'm the local celebrity type story. Just gravy. You can only imagine my joy when I heard this on the radio earlier this week.


Leaders of the New School - SOBB Story

I like Big Butts and I cannot lie.....

There's an epidemic sweeping across America people. And honestly it has been happening for quite some time now. I dunno when this marvel occurred or when it started but I damn sure have taken notice. You with me? Still trying to figure out what I'm talkin' bout Willis? It's not science related, not sports related, and definitely not money related. It's human related or to be more specific glutues maximus related. In simpler terms the butt. In Honest Man terms, the booty. As in R. Kelly's genius of a song "Feelin' on yo Booty". And that epidemic I'm talking about is white girls having black girls' asses....Oh yes it's damn true!

Ok, I'm assuming for my sistas reading this, they are probably spending 5-10 minutes on the above paragraph cussing me out, questioning my manhood, and any other related gesture that sparks outrage. Everyone one else is going, I'm with you Honest Man or Really Honest Man? and are ready to keep reading. Before I go into my history lesson, let me say for the record, I always hold the black woman's booty to the utmost of highest respect (Did I reel some of the sistas back in with that line? LOL probably not). But seriously, if you give me a choice of Jennifer Lopez, or Tichina Arnold, I'm going for PAM! Now let's get back to business at hand.

It was high school when I first took notice. It's just one of those things with dudes. We definitely are scoping out a woman's body. Especially one that milk did a body good. And considering I went to high school with a lot of white girls, it was damn near impossible not to peep a snow flake's goodies when it made sense. And I was noticing how a couple of chicks actually were thick and curvaceous in as Ginuwine describes it "Those jeans!" At first I thought I was crazy, like they only look good because I see them all the damn time and just chalked it up to me being delusional...

As I got older, I put that stuff out of my head, especially when I was in A town. Too many non snow flakes around for a lifetime. I barely remembered thinking that white girls had booty during this period since I rarely saw them. It was like the world was normal again. Black chicks had booties for days, and I was like flies on shit trying to get at 'em. So I graduate college with the sky is blue, the earth is round and all is well type logic.

Do you read King Magazine? I read it for the insightful "articles." And in the late 90s, I was reading this great "article" on the chick from "Blossom" aka Six. And when I kept reading that "article" I was like Van Damme this white girl got ass for days. Initially, I felt crazy, like what the hell is wrong with me. I was trying to tell myself that I'm either working too hard or the alcohol has caught up with me. But oddly, a few weeks later, I was hanging with my boys and I'll never forget this. We were having guy talk doing the usual who's the hottest chick on the block type convo, and one of them goes "I'll tell you what. Ya'll remember that chick from Blossom? Have ya'll seen the King magazine with her in it. I'm tellin' ya'll cuzzin that chick got ass for days!" Ding Ding Ding Ding!! That readers is what we call confirmation and validation. It wasn't just me that noticed.

After that it was a domino effect. It literally seemed like I would be somewhere random, look up, just so "happen" to catch the backside of some shorty, she turns around and I'm straight trippin' she's white. Like how is this possible?? The gods have lied to me?? Or for art thou cursed me :-)!! Then the ultimate came when Ice T broke out his wife Coco and I'm like oh hell naw, it's official now. White chicks with black girl booties have arrived. And when Kim Kardashian "blew" up, it was Van Damme, the game is over. Cue the hate from sistas worldwide. I would get into arguments with my homegirls like you wilin or hell no but I counter with you just mad cuz that white girl is stylin' on you LOL. Don't hate, congratulate! I didn't say I was gonna leave the sistas for the kryptonite, I'm just complimenting the lady's bootiful style....

So for the fellas out there strugglin' with this and have been ashamed to admit what they saw, the Honest Man has officially given you the OK to let it out. No reason in keeping that to yourself cuz we all in awe of what's happening across America. I don't know if it's due to working out, due to a change in eating habits or having their genes spliced with an ounce of Serena serum but yo it's something that is certified and approved by the Honest Board of Governors. Let the haters hate cuz I know the playas are playing....literally!

Today's Lesson

I don't want my sistas to view this as an article of me abandoning or promoting other bruhs to abandon you because I'm not. I'm just making you aware of an awesome and inspiring movement that's happening in your world. Trust me, you still the queens of our castles. Just be leery of that duchess bending over.....

What's wrong with Today's R&B?

The Honest Man is in a sad state of mind readers. And sad because of the current state of rhythm & blues music, better known as R&B amongst the bruhs. But I have christened it rhythm and bullshit lately because of all the bad music I've heard on the radio. And I don't know if it's me just becoming more of an old fogie and clinging too hard to the past. Or maybe it's me not embracing how r&b has evolved over the past decade or so. Or maybe it's just I'm right, the masses are wrong, and they don't recognize good from bad music. I think it's a combination of all 3....

I have 400 plus CDs of music. You'll be shocked to know my collection comprised 40% of R&B, 40% of Hip Hop, and 20% of Alternative. Hell I was shocked myself when I reviewed my cases. And I was going through my soul collection, I was even more shocked at how diverse it was. Sam Cooke. Marvin Gaye. Supremes. Parliament. The Deele. The Jacksons. New Edition. D'Angelo. Mary J. Blige. Ne-Yo. If you're not following the pattern, that's me doing a transition from the oldies to current music or decade to next decade. Starting with the 50s and acts like Ray Charles and the Coasters, you'll find good music in every decade up until the current one we just entered. And no matter how silly or corny the songs may appear now, I can find the genius in a record like "I got a woman" or "Ain't no Mountain High enough." Then I stop and wonder "Where did it all go wrong for R&B"

I was watching VH1 Soul the other and they had an hour where they showed nothing but old school R&B songs, ranging from the 70s through the 90s. I literally was having nostalgia moments remembering when I used to make "Quiet Storm" tapes (yes playas tapes!) off the local radio's after hour mixes and try to entice some honey to be mine. Or when I used to get nervous as I was slow dancing to a dope R Kelly song with a girl and hoping not to mess up. But one thing I noticed about the songs were how subtle they were in their approaches to member of the opposite sex. I'm not naive enough to think that bluntness in songs didn't exist. Adina Howard, Jodeci, Millie Jackson, etc definitely had "Gimme some now" records but still it was recorded in a way where you are like "yo this is my shit!"

I go back to subtle because it seems R&B has lost it way. I hear songs now on the radio and the originality is just lacking. There are more folks trying to emulate the Adina Howard approach instead of the Anita Baker approach and it just comes off wrong. No more "I wanna caress your body and can't wait until we are one" liners, it's now "Immma take yo pants off, girl ohh yooo booty's soft, I'm about to knock that coochie off" and I go wow, is there even a point to the song. No mystery whatsoever. It's like the girl that always showing her goodies off. Yea her body is dope but how many guys haven't tasted her goodies?? Give me the girl that we know has a dope body but is classy enough to not show the entire meal and rather let you guess what's underneath.

I was talking with my boy about this recently and I was trying to explain to him that it's not that I don't like R&B because there acts out there today that I support (Janelle Monae, Ne-Yo come to mind) but it just seems there are more bad acts out there today than good versus the opposite effect no more than 10 years ago. And that's disheartening. My wife gives me shit for not giving today's R&B a try but I say why bother. I already know what the record is going to be and sound like. Disposable, trendy, and not a timeless classic. I mean let ask you readers do you think someone like Beyonce's records are timeless or good for the current time period? And how do you stack her records against someone like a Aretha Franklin? Sade? Hell I'll use someone closer in age..Mary J Blige? Do you think you will want to hear her bust out "Single Ladies" in 25 years?? And that's what I'm getting at, it's frustrating.

So what do you do? I continue to support the acts that I like and even the new ones that either I hear by chance or someone sends me a joint to listen to. But I am not an active R&B supporter anymore. Not with what's out there in today's market. You can have whatever they call that R&B. As you pop champagnes and dance to "LOL", I'll be poppin' in Debarge's greatest hits going "Damn that El cranked out some jams." And if you need further proof, ask yourself if you think your favorite rapper is going to sample a current R&B song. Makes you go damn don't it!

Today's Lesson

I don't hate today's R&B readers, I just pity the fool! Call me old, call me bitter, or call me what the young people say a "hater" but after you finish calling me names, take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself, will I be listening to this in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years? And if you are struggling with that question, that should already answer my question of is this good or bad r&b...MESSAGE!

Da Art of Storytelling Part '10

"To the Honest Man,

I don't hate Black Mamba but I pity the fool" - The Sports Guy

The Honest Man is an avid reader of Bill Simmons, better known to Sports Junkies as the Sports Guy. If you're unfamiliar with him, he offers a hilarious take on sports often citing 80s movies references to emphasize his points. And while technically he is a sworn NBA enemy of mine by being a Celtics fan, I look past his Kobe hate and accept him for what he is....a funny ass dude.

He wrote a book recently called "The Book of Basketball: The NBA according to the Sports Guy." I've said this many times to friends and I'll use the word again. Fascinating read. Just fascinating. Dude was hitting all kind of points to the point you are repeatedly saying to yourself "Damn this dude is right!". So anyway was part of his promotional campaign, he did a tour of book signings across the US.

Just so happens he came to Texas this weekend. I was planning to go solo and get my hardback signed but the Honest Wife had other plans. She asked me earlier in the day if I was planning to take one of the kids with me. Mental thought was HELL NO but outside words were "I had not planned on it but if you want me to, I guess I can take one." If you aren't following this is the initial grounds of psychological battle to see who wins. It should be noted my youngest kid is a busy body and just gets into shit. Not a bad kid but he just wants to touch everything in sight. And that's who the Honest Wife wants me to take with me. Took a bookstore. With tons of everything. So he can get into shit when he gets bored. She even throws in "Well you can take the stroller, put him in it, and also take a pacifier in case he gets rowdy." You see how she did that America? Just straight laid it out so it's impossible for me to outwardly say "Hell no!" So with that in mind I lay down saying let me get some rest for the improbable fun....Bad sign #1.

The book signing was scheduled for 4pm. I called Borders at noon to get an idea of what time I should get there. They told me 3pm since they will be giving out color coded wristbands and lining folks up by color. Of course the catch is they tell me over the phone that I will have to purchase his revised paperback (I have the original hardback) and that's $18 to get the wristband. I'm going, not gonna happen. So they say in that case it's first come, first serve. That's bad sign #2. After that "fun" call, like I said, I laid down and meant to take a quick nap. I woke up at 3:30 :-(. Borders is 20 miles or 30 minutes from my house. I'm not dressed, my kid is not dressed, I'm helping my wife and the other kid get dressed so they can leave, etc. By the time it's said and done. It's 5pm. Bad sign #3. My wife even throws in, I don't expect ya'll back until 8 or 9ish tonight. Great! C'mon son, let's see if you can set record time for displaying your displeasure for being bored.....

We get to Borders about 5:30. As the Honest Wife suggested, I put my kid in his stroller BUT kept the pacy in coat because I'm like you too big to be sucking on some damn pacifier. We get inside and that line is literally wrapped around the bookstore. I took a quick glance and it looked like 100-150 people are in line. Keep in mind the joint started at 4 so that means shit was probably out of control at 3pm. Great, I'm bracing for the worst, already asking God to bless me and the boy with patience. Add in that we literally are the last people in line AND we so happen to be in the kid section AND my son starts freaking out over a Dora the Explorer Christmas book, you can imagine what my facial expression looked like. If you're keeping count, that's Bad sign #4....

About 5-10 minutes into standing in line, a worker walks up and goes "Sir do you know you can go to the front of the line because you have a toddler. We know it's hard on kids so are allowing those with infants and toddlers to go the front. You just need to purchase the book." I showed her my hardback and re-emphasized I'm not buying another book for just 2-3 more new chapters and she goes fine but you have to spend at least $5 on something to get a wristband and go to the front. Just so happens that Dora book my kid freaked out over was $6.99. 5 minutes later and $7.57 less (tax included), we literally walked up to the front on the line. The lady was like oh yes as soon as this person finishes, you are next. ARE YOU SHITTING ME??? All because I brought my kid who I originally did not want to take?? After exchanging hellos, the above signature that kicked off this post is what I had the Sports Guy sign in my book (SIDE NOTE - I was expecting more dialogue but dude commentated the Heat-Warriors game the night before in Oakland, then flew to Dallas for this so he was visibly tired. I didn't mind b/c he should be exhausted).

I was out of Borders by 6pm. I was back home at 6:30. I called Realist, Gangsta D, the Honest Wife, my inlaws, the world because I was that excited!! I told the family, look we broke as shit but you know what, for all the good that came to me today, daddy's waving the beans and rice for tonight, you can have pizza...with meat!! My kid is a huge Yo Gabba Gabba fan so when we got outside, I told him "Son having kids is AWEEEESSSOMMEEE!!" in DJ Lance voice.

Today's Lesson

For all you marks tripping about having kids and dealing with them, I guarantee you that about 50 of those cats last night were like damn I wish I had a kid. Shoot I'm still thanking God as I write this for hooking me up. Big ups Sir, Big Ups indeed.....


"You better go and get, the hump, up out your back now
It's about four, or five, cats off in my 'Llac now
We just, shoot, game in the form of story rap now
It's like that now, it's like that now"

Well looky looky here!

I told you earlier this week my new crack is the SNL sketch "What Up with That." What I didn't know was that this sketch started last year (thanks Wikipedia) and that this joint has filmed 6 different sketches. So in honor of that readers, I'm posting the remaining four. Ooooo weeee, what up with that, what up with that

Featuring Paul Rudd and Zach Galifianakas



Featuring James Franco and Gerard Butler



Featuring Al Gore, Mindy Kaling, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt



Featuring Mike Tyson, Jack McBrayer, and James Franco

Movies the Honest Man Loves - The Street Figther

HBO has been showing a cult favorite of mine for the past year or so and that is The Street Fighter starring Sonny Chiba. No not that foolishness with Guile, Ryu, Ken, and friends but the 70s kung fu flick that generated an X rating for one crazy scene. While that scene is bananas and there are some graphic scenes, trust me it's not X rating stuff. If you want pure gore, peep Lone Wolf and Cub (another day readers lol).

Anyway, Sonny Chiba put out 3 of these joints - The Street Fighter, Return of the Street Fighter, and the Street Fighter's Revenge. All are good but nothing beat the original. They say that cat Chiba is a bad mutha...Shut my mouth cuz I'm talkin' about Sonny. And ya best dig it. If you got HBO, check your listings, it's showing on the HBO Zone channel. Otherwise go rent it. Trust me, the Honest Man wouldn't lie to you :-)

A shockingly good Saturday Night Live sketch

I'm not a big Saturday Night Live fan. Every now and then they have a few good sketches but overall, I think a good portion of their stuff is corny. But it seems every so often, they hit paydirt with one sketch and I'm like this shit is hilarious. The latest is with Kenan Thompson and this spot called "What's up with That!". It started during whatever episode Kanye West was on and last weekend they did another. As long as they don't get crazy and turn this into a show or full length feature, SNL's got a gold winner on it's hand....OOOOOOOO WWEEEEEEEE, what's up with that!!

What's up with That - f Robert DeNiro and Robin Williams



What's up with That - f Morgan Freeman and Ernest Borgine

Remember the Titans

You make sure they remember, FOREVER, the night they played the Titans! - Coach Yoast

Tennessee Titans football. Tennessee Volunteers football. Georgetown Hoyas' mens' basketball. North Carolina Tar Heels mens' basketball. Los Angeles Lakers basketball. Those are the teams I follow hard core. Period. Been a fan of each for 20 plus years. Yep I was there when my Oilers were "snuck" out of Houston by that crazy tycoon Bud Adams. And I was still a fan of the Volunteers during the recent 2 year coaching drama culminating in Lane Bitch.I.Am resigning to pursue his "dream job". Not that I'm bitter LOL. But I say all this to say that good and bad, I'm a fan of these teams thick and thin....

The way the seasons have gone for the above had me reminiscing over the good times for each. In particular I found myself really dwelling on my Titans. Case you have not been keeping up with times, the latest chapter of the Vince Young-Jeff Fisher-Bud Adams drama went front stage 2 weeks ago. And I sit here going where did it all go wrong?? I won't dwell on it because lost in all of this is that they started the season strong and now are 1 game under .500 but yet they can STILL win the division if they get their act together. You have to fall backwards to move forward but damn I wish they would stop falling over themselves.

Anyhoo, I was thinking about the good times in Titans history and couldn't help but remember the greatness of the 2000 playoff run. More specifically January 8, 2000. The game that kicked off the impropable Super Bowl run. Better known to you mortals as the Music City Miracle. I still remember that game. Me and a bunch of my coworkers went to SRO's in Southwest Houston to watch the game. Big Rob, who was a Cowboys fan. J Dub who just like watching football. Wally, another football lover. Alisha, my homegirl that just liked watching football (note a theme LOL). And my man Big Lath who is the ultimate Bills fan. So you know there was plenty of trash talking that day. Imagine being me as Buffalo kicks that FG to go up by 1 with 16 seconds. And if you are me, you don't think McNair has the balls to imitate Elway and get those boys in FG position. So everyone's telling "Yo Smooth, guess you gon' have to wait until next year." Shoot I'm even going here we go again, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. But like a good fan, I stay until the very end.

So what happens next. The Bills kick off, Wycheck gets it, and instantly I'm going what in the sam blazes is Tennessee doing. Don't they understand the point of the game is to win. Why in the hell is Wycheck's slow ass returning kicks?? But then all of sudden, he turns, throws to Dyson and he's off. I'm literally sitting there quiet, going "Please God, for the love of everything that is right, please, please, help me!!" Then POOF, he's gone, my folks are slowly getting louder until BAM, the Touchdown and pure CHAOS at SRO's. Lathan's going forward pass, basically in shock, and I'm going...Don't ever underestimate the heart of a champion :-). See for yourself...I wish my current Titans could draw from this as they need their own miracle to salvage the season

Movies the Honest Man Loves - Menace II Society

1994. Senior Year High School. Summertime in da SC. While I'm waiting to embark on one of my greatest rides at Morehouse, I'm at home just killin' time. One way I killed time was renting movies, especially after the family hooked me up with the TV/VCR combo for college. So the first movie I rented was one I had been waiting to watch for a year...Menace II Society.

If you've never seen Menace, shame on you. I personally think it's better than the more celebrated Boyz in the Hood. I mean after watching this, I truly thought I was hard :-). Out there walking the suburbs, quoting O dawg "What'chu say about my mama?" over and over. And it only got worse when I did start college, met D-Lo, and learned he was just as big as a fan. Me and him damn near watched this shit over and over every day. It was so bad, we knew EVERY line word for word. That's how much I loved this movie.

If you've never seen it, no fear, I've posted one of my favorite scenes below. It's the infamous "faggot ass Chauncey decides to educate white folks" scene. CLASSIC. Trust me, the rest of the movie is just as good. So go rent this movie...FOR HAROLD!!!