Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Year's Resolutions
It's 2009. You've spent New Year's getting dolled up, meeting up with friends, and getting shit faced drunk while saying "Goodbye 2008". You woke up today feeling pretty good about yourself, probably gained 10 pounds eating a delicious dinner, and now you are wondering what your resolutions for this year will be. But the Honest man is here to play Slick Rick to your Salley from the Valley's Mother and tell you "STOP LYING."
I find it amusing that people set New Year's resolutions for themselves. Usually it involves losing weight, becoming a better person, getting their finances in order, etc. Some individuals believe that with the snap of their fingers, all the so called stuff they were guilty of doing wrong, they will immediately change all that in the New Year. WRONG, WRONG, and more WRONG.
Let's start with the weight thing. If you already guilty of having Betty Crocker or Uncle Ben as a girlfriend or boyfriend, what makes you think you are going to dump them for someone better like Jenny Craig?!?! It's more like you will have an affair with Jenny but ultimately come back to Betty because her loving is the sweetest thing you ever known. Stop trying to flirt with other girls and just marry Betty. At the end of the day, it's she that you really want. Spare me this crap about trying to find another woman or man and own up. Your destiny lies with them. I'm sure the Green Giant is already spoken for anyway.
The other one that I constantly hear is becoming a better person. Whether it's being nicer to people, making new friends, being a better baby's daddy, it's irrelevant. I'm from the thinking that if you've been a certain way for say 10 or more years, it's pretty difficult to just magically change that in a span of months. If people did little things that annoyed the shit out of you, I highly doubt you are going to overlook when trying to be nicer. For example, I hate waiting for folks and usually give you 5-10 minutes before I leave you. Do you honestly think I'm going to change in the New Year and be more patient? Ok you got me, I might wait 15 minutes instead of 10 but the result will be the same. I'm going to leave and you're going to say Waldini is a dick.
I the Honest Man, do resolve to continue bringing you the truth and nothing but it in 2009. I'm not committing to losing weight, kicking this drinking habit, or being nice. But I am resolved to helping you understand what you should and should not do. Fair enough? Great, now go rip up that resolution's list and let's crack a brew together. CHEERS!
Happy New Year readers! I'm already in rare form and it's been less than 24 hours in 2009. Ain't no future in your frontin so stop shamming because real recognize real and right now you looking a little unfamiliar.
Happy New Year's