Tuesday, December 23, 2008
MERRY CHRISTMAS Readers!! The Honest Man will be taking some well deserved time off this week to spend time with his family. Depending on how stuffed my belly is, I'll either be back on here before New Year's or after I have my bowl of hoppin johns :-)
In the interim, enjoy the cartoon above....
Sunday, December 21, 2008
"Chuuurccchhh's Chiiickkeeennnn" - Kirk Franklin & the Family in the early 90s Church's Chicken commercial
Do you remember the character Reverend Leon Lonnie Love from the tv show Martin? He was a preacher with noticeable flaws :-). One line that I will always remember is when he said he use to be a pimp but now he only pimpeth for the Lord. In some ways he represents some of the false prophets out there supposedly spreading God's message but really all they doing is pimping those good natured Christian folks for their hard earned dollars.
Now let me set the record straight. I was raised as a Christian. In my family, going to Church (and IHOP afterwards) was mandatory. It didn't matter if Mama and Daddy got in late from their Saturday night out, if the family woke up late, if there was no more hot water because my sister used it all up, or if you wanted to eat before Church, YOU WERE GOING TO CHURCH. As an adult, I have been trying to get back in that mode since somewhere between college and now, I stopped going because of my conflicts with some of the church leaders. Some of them I feel are really good preachers, carry a strong message, and portray themselves correctly as messengers of the Lord. Others I feel are no different than a Pimp named Slickback.
For awhile, I have been searching for that moment in Church where that bulb goes off in my head and I go "I GET IT". It's almost similiar to that feeling that Hiro Nakamura from Heroes had when he learns to master time travel and screams YES at the top of his lungs. Unfortunately, for the most part, when I go to Church, my Spidey sense starts tingling that something is wrong and I'm about to get a pimp lecture from the pastor and his associates. Instead of listening to the message, I find myself wondering when I should shoot the pastor with my web slinger, string him up in the air like a pinata, and let the church beat him with a stick to get their money back. And I say most part because I have been to a few churches (most recently Friendship West Baptist Church) and the pastor was phenomenal. Very real, great message, and no appearances of phoniness.
But Lord you have some false prophets on the other hand giving very mixed signals. I attended a friend's Church and the pastor's sermon was about how wrong it was to say Happy Holidays. That's not a misprint. He started off by saying that he got offended at someone for telling him Happy Holidays instead of saying Merry Christmas. Out of all the wrong things to talk about the Christmas season (more emphasis on gift buying instead of celebrating the birth of Christ come to mind), he focused on the phrase Happy Holidays. Now maybe I'm not understanding the message and it may be just me....Naw that's crazy talk, it's all on that dude. But yet I'm supposed to tithe for that. Puhlease, they should wait to pass the basket around after church and let us decide how much we should be give based on the message. "Aw that sermon was worth about a dollar so I'm giving him a dollar." CHUUUCCHHH.
Besides that specific example, you have situations where preachers have been accused of embezzlement, molestation, infidelity, etc but yet these are the folks who are supposed to be giving me the daily Bread of Life. Now true it's on me to do my part and come with an open mind but it's kind of hard to do that when you are staring at someone who's about to be registered as a sexual offender.
I don't know if I need to be less critical of these pastors or not. Lord, I'm definitely one of your Children but Brother Waldini needs a sign. Help me see past the foolishness, the nice suits, the nice cars, and fancy wordplay, and see that you indeed have a message for me. And let the Church say AAAAMMMMEENNNNN.
To quote the "great" Kirk Franklin, Silver and Gold, Silver and Gold, Iiiiii rather have Jesus, than Silver and Gold....Be on the lookout for me at church. I may just do a Terry Tate and knock the pimp out of the pulpit if I feel he's not really representing the Good Word.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
What you thought I was going to have a picture of Michael J Fox :-)? Nonetheless, this is not about movies but about corporate America. I've been working in corporate America for awhile and I've learned a few things along away. And I'm going to give you advice today that I really should be charging you for. So let's get this ball rolling....
You want to know the secret to moving up the corporate food chain. I’ll give you a hint, it’s not working hard. It’s not being the smartest person in your company. It’s an old white man. PERIOD. Not a woman, not man of a different race, but an older white gentleman that sees potential in you. Don’t get me wrong, you can move up the chain without having a white man behind you but trust me, there’s a glass ceiling at the top of the ladder. If you trying to be the CEO or sitting on the executive board, you better seek out Jim Watson and not Jamal Watkins or Maria Rodriguez.
Ok Waldini, so I need a white man? How do I get a high ranking one to put me down? For a woman, it’s pretty simple; you just need to be eye candy. That doesn’t mean you have to sleep with him or get your knees dirty to rise to the top. You just need to be easy on the eyes. But the looks will only get you in the door. You have to prove yourself too so that means putting your brain on display to match your booty. So when you get in front of high powered suits, do more than just show some cleavage. You want Jimmy to be first fantasizing about you before you open your mouth and then be deciding if you should be on the executive board as you do your how this saves the company money spiel. And definitely don’t do something stupid like blow off an important meeting or phone call. That will get you sent back to the minors with the rest of the worker bees and middle managers.
For the men, it can be tricky. Now for young white men, it’s usually a little easier since an old white man will basically think he’s looking at himself when he sees a younger white male. The only way they screw themselves is trying to bite the hand that fed them. For everyone else, you need to take advantage of situations. Normally there are company events where a high ranking white male comes and speaks with the audience. It’s on you to make this your moment and introduce yourself to him BUT also make sure he remembers you. Better yet, do some research on him before you talk to him so that when you do speak to him you can say something like “I’ve always admired you, especially when you did yada yada yada.” And if you’re going to discuss current events, let him dictate what he wants to talk about and adapt the conversation. That shows your diversity. How do I know it works? Because I’m doing it right now. See you at the top.
If you can find one to endorse you, the world is yours. I’m talking about attending events in the corporate suite, getting the down low on organizational changes, rubbing elbows with the power players in the company, and most importantly, watching your bank account grow like you stealing money all at once.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
"Charlie Brown, you BLOCKHEAD!" - Lucy Van Pelt
I was watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas" the other night. If you don't remember the story, good ole Charlie Brown is down about Christmas becoming commercial. He seeks guidance and help from the other Peanut members and in turn they make him the director of their Christmas play. They ask him to get a tree, but they clown him, calling him blockhead as usual, until Linus steps up and explains to these jabronis what Christmas is about. In the end, they admit the tree wasn't that bad, spruce it up, and sing those classic Christmas songs.
I couldn't help but think of good ole Kanye West and all the flak he has caught for his recent album, 808s and Heartbreak. Substitute Christmas with Hip Hop, the tree with his album, the Peanut gang with the listeners, Charlie brown with Kanye, and the Honest Man with Linus (you got all that lol). Like Linus never thought the tree was all that bad, just needed a little love, I think Kanye's album isn't that bad, just needs a few more listens.
I'll do the negatives first since that won't take me long. Kanye can't sing. No ifs, ands or buts about it. And no autotuner does not hide his horrible singing skills. On this album he sings 75-80% of the time, only rapping for a few tracks. Does it tank the album? No. Should he do it in the future? Hell no, stick to the script, rapping and producing. Also a few tracks drew a what the fuck from me (Coldest Winter, Pinocchio Freestyle, Bad news). That's 2 beefs but not showstoppers.
For the positives, I can play the first 8 tracks nonstop with skipping. My personal favorites are "Heartless", "Paranoid", and "Robocop". Just great stuff right there. It has a vintage 80s sound with lyrics so cheesy you can't help but like. For example, note the first 4 bars in Robocop
Bout the baddest girl ive ever seen Straight up out of movie scenes Who knew she was a drama queen Who would turn my life to stephen king
Extremely cheesy but after a few spins, you find yourself singing it anywhere. But the point is he isn't afraid to challenge himself and see what's inside of him. He took a page from Andre 3000's The Love Below and ran with it. For the folks who are complaining about the Soulja Boys of the world, I don't understand how you can hate this. You need to shut your trap and embrace this. You don't get too many musical geniuses in hip hop anymore.
Now let me get on my Linus soapbox and explain what hip hop is all about. It is definitely not about just shaking asses, popping open champagne bottles, glorifying the drug game, quoting gangster movies, and fucking multiple hoes. It's about expressing yourself creatively to get across a message to the community. Always has been and always will be. The keyword is creative and I think that's been lost with certain rappers. Some choose to make safe records, following the current trend, and hoping they strike gold with a single or two. Problem is they end up selling themselves short and having a very short lifespan.
Kanye has NEVER been afraid to push his creative boundaries. Yea, I can do without some of his antics but for the most part, dude is a genius. If you don't think so, you belong on the short yellow bus with the rest of musically retarded. He has been refreshing for a genre that's missing it's mojo. You can call me hater if you want but check the record sales. Forget the economy bullshit b/c it was bad in 2002 but records still sold. It's call disposable. The public doesn't want disposable records anymore.
I'm right about Kanye and you're wrong. Class dismissed :-)
Sunday, December 14, 2008
I tried thinking about annoying phrases that dudes say but I couldn't really think of any (shock). However, there are cats out there that do annoy me with some of their mannerisms and actions. And I'm here to set them straight so they can stop the madness
Thing #1 - Buying a woman a drink, expecting something in return, and getting mad when nothing happens
You know the setting. You chillin' at a club, probably holding it down at the bar, and you see a gorgeous female. You think the best way to introduce yourself is buying her a drink, then she will be overcome by your generosity, and poof pow, the digits are yours. Unfortunately this isn't Fantasy Island Tatu, this is reality. And sometimes in reality, it's going to take more than a $4 drink to entice a woman to come talk to you. What's worse is I see dudes get upset, call women "dumb ass hoe or lesbian dyke" and act like they entitled to the phone number. Are you friggin kidding me? You know what fellas, the next time you spend $8 dollars on that Houlihan's meal and she doesn't respond right, just drop her. I mean you did spend a whole $8.....If you really believe this you are indeed a jabroni.
If your game is tight, you don't need to buy drinks to get her to talk to you. Well unless you look like Dennis Rodman but without Dennis Rodman money ;-). And if one female doesn't respond the way you want to buying a drink, then duh try it on another one....
Thing #2 - Hating on another dude for dating a woman you like
This one I really will not understand. You jealous of another dude dating a girl you like but the girl doesn't like you. She likes the dude you are hating on. And nothing's going to change that. Not your $4 drink, your good ass job, etc. Shit just ain't gonna happen. Move on and deal with a chick that does like you Hater...
I remember one time I was dating this chick and a friend of mine was dating her girl. It's important to note we all were friends before any of us started dating. And they were dating before me and this girl. One night we went out as a group, he saw her up on me and I guess in his mind, he decided I wasn't good enough for her. He told another friend of mine that "Waldini don't know what to do with that. I should be in his position." What kind of bitch shit is that?? You got the girl you wanted, what's the problem? If that's the case, you should have chosen the other girl instead of hating because you wanted both chicks. Retarded, I thought females were catty but this incident was on another level.
Thing #3 - Internet Pimping
Technology is a wonderful thing isn't it. Twenty years ago, we had pen, paper, and a phone to communicate our feelings to females. Now in addition to those things we got blackberries and email. I find there are dudes that are using devices and options frequently to holler at females. I'm old school so I believe in the calling you up on the phone (cell phone is acceptable) to spit my game.
I remember at work, a bunch of us went out one night and kicked it. Apparently one of the dudes took a liking to one of the females. After he got her name, he looked up her up on the company address book and shot her an email to let her know he was digging her. Huh? Understand we all worked in the same building and he also had access to her office phone. But he guessed internet pimping would be the right move. WRONG. My homegirl called me to let me know about his "pimping" and further asked what's up with your boy and this email. That wasn't in a positive tone. What was worse, he was telling other cats that he met this dope chick and was making moves.
How do you think this story ended? Well he didn't get those digits and he was cold towards ole girl in the future. But in reality the only person he should have been mad at was himself.
Look in the mirror and honestly assess if you do any of the 3 things. If so, then take this advice courtesy of the great Deebo.. "Smoky stop being a bitch!". Or better yet take Vito Corleone's advice "Be a MAAANNN". If you can't roll with this, then please stay away from me. I'm a happy man that only rolls with happy people.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. That's the biggest understatement in history. Forget the obvious physical differences, the thought patterns are on a different level. And sometimes I truly wonder what women are thinking when they hit you with certain statements. I think they purposely say them to get a reaction. Well at least one out of me :-). Without further adieu, a few phrases or statements I could do without:
Phrase #1 - "Would you like to meet my friend? She's a nice person."
The first thing that pops into my brain when a woman says this is What's wrong with your friend? I mean is she suffering from baby daddy's drama, biological clock winding down, a case of the munchies, comparisons to Chewbacca, etc. If she so nice, how come no one has scooped her up?!?! You need to replace the phrase "She's a nice person" with "My girl is fine" to at least perk a dude's interest. Niceness only factors in during the getting to know you phase....
Phrase #2 - "All my friends are fine!"
This kinda goes with the first statement. Women are funny. They truly believe all of the girls in their inner circle are fine and ones outside the circle are just okay. As a dude, I treat a woman's comment about another woman like credit card offers....I trash them. The true way to determine how fine your girl is to leave her alone in a social setting and see how many dudes make a run at her. If she's getting no love, that means your friend is NOT that fine. Just because you think your mutant is fine Professor X doesn't mean the rest of the world does. So please so trying to use your telepathic powers to convince dudes this.
Phrase #3 - "Oh he's TOO nice"
So let me get this right, you want me to date your friend because she's nice but you won't date my friend because he's too nice. RIIIIGHT. So I guess what he needs to do is smack you in the face, say bitches ain't shit, and you'll come a running right? Puhlease, I don't even know what this statement means and I'm sure you don't either. If you meet or hear about a guy that's church going, has a job, doesn't live with his mama or any of that other stuff you desire, then what's the problem. Oh yea, you like me, you want that person to look good too. It's just I wouldn't use "Oh she's too nice." I'm more like "She ain't on my level."
You gotta luv it. There is no greater conversation than one between man and woman. It's like we are speaking two different languages even though the conversation is in English. Be real about your girls. If she's looks like Beastman from He-Man, then don't push her on dudes. Cuz we as dudes want the chick in the room that looks like Teela (hell we even take Evil Lyn).
Ladies don't worry, there are phrases by dudes that annoy me too :-).
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Network television has not been the same since golden age of the 80s when Cosby Show, Roseanne, Cheers, Family Ties, and others dominated the airwaves. Most of the shows now are copying MTV's reality blueprint and hoping to cash in on the latest, greatest reality idea. You have shows where people get covered in worms for money, strangers backstabbing on each other while living in a house for money, etc. Hell what's next? I tell you what, I'm creating a show called "The Homeless" where people have to be homeless for a month. Whoever lasts the longest gets $4 in change, a free Happy Meal, and most importantly, a LONG shower complete with full scrubbing. You don't think it will make money? I've guess you've never watched any of the VH1 shows.
Television is also in desperate need of originality. There is too much follow the leader and not enough trailblazers out there. Maybe I do not understand the politics behind how a television script or show gets approved but I do know one thing. More and more folks are watching HBO than watching NBC and it's not because HBO shows allow cursing (okay well maybe part of it is). Cable allows writers to be more creative with their thoughts and hence original ideas. Do not get me wrong. Not every show on cable is great (please note my VH1 reference above). But ask yourself this, what are the 5 best shows on network TV? What are the 5 best shows on cable TV? Which side is better? Uh huh, I figured you see things my way.
I'm not going to elaborate on my resolutions because I'm not giving away all my advice for free but I will give you a start. Most males watch a lot of sports, t&a, guns, murder and mayhem. Most women watch home decorating, cooking shows, soap operas, and stories that may you cry. Most kids watch cartoons. If you need more help in figuring what to do, you're in the wrong business, jabroni! Do the math and go make me something that I would watch.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Well the epic concludes for now with this post. Enjoy but don't fret, I'm pretty sure I'll have more Tales of the Logically Impaired.
Oh do not think Waldini only debates with Baby Boomers. I also enjoy ‘conversation’ with members of my own generation. Everyone is different and definitely entitled to their own opinion. But again, I find myself thinking “Are you listening to what you are saying?” and then having to play dickhead mode just to show them how silly they sound.
For example, I was in high school during the Rodney King incident. I remember the day after it happened, I went to school and one of my peers goes “Ya’ll need to let that go.” Interesting, a person gets beat up by 6 cops on camera, the cops go to trial, and the jury decides they are not guilty. Right, simply let that go. Anyway, I ignored that completely ridiculous comment and carried on. But again, here I go to Algebra class and another jabroni starts it back up.
He’s going on and on about King being high on PCP and that’s why the cops beat him. Keep in mind, he didn’t say that Rodney attacked the cops (which he didn’t) or said something derogatory (which he didn’t) to merit that ass whuppin. In his mind, since he did drugs, he deserved the beating. So I said at the parties where you guys get drunk, should you get your ass whupped? Because technically alcohol is a drug and not only are you guilty of underage drinking, you probably will be driving home which makes you guilty of driving under the influence. He gives me the response “well that’s different.” Yea it was different all right. No cop is busting up in your shindig to give you a public beating. Completely stupid but you cannot make this stuff up.
The message here I was trying to get across is just be mindful of what you say and think before you speak. The best way to combat ignorance is with intelligence. And in this case, not a whole lot of intelligence was needed; just plain ole common sense.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
“Man has such a predilection for systems and abstract deductions that he is ready to distort the truth intentionally, he is ready to deny the evidence of his senses only to justify his logic” - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Anyone that knows me also knows that I like good conversation or as others call it debating. At various times in my life, I have debating endlessly with the baby boomer generation on everything from music to comedians to movies to respecting history. I’m an open minded individual so I always like to hear different opinions. However, sometimes certain opinions I hear are just so asinine I have to play devil’s advocate and go into attack dog mode.
For example, one day at work, I remember talking with a baby boomer co-worker about lunch breaks. I don’t even know how we got on the subject but I remember she and her office mate (also a baby boomer) telling me that sometimes they skipped lunch because of work. I emphatically stated that I don’t skip lunch. If I don’t eat then the consequence is that I will probably act an ass because I am hungry. The message I was trying to get across was just let me eat and we all good. If not, then I’m not apologizing for my snappy behavior. Well after I said that, she just looked at me, told me I was spoiled for saying that. She said I was acting like I was too good to skip lunch. Without hesitating, I simplified her comments and said “I’m spoiled because I want to eat. I’m spoiled because I want to eat. So what does that make homeless people? Because they always ready to eat.” If you could have seen the expression on her face, it was the you are a complete asshole look. I kept going and said some folks take cigarette breaks. Some folks take coffee breaks. Others take internet breaks. I take lunch breaks.
Looking back, I was probably offended she called me spoiled and took that comment to heart. Honestly, I wanted to her to understand why she was calling me spoiled. I didn’t say that I refuse to work overtime or on weekends. I didn’t say I refuse to pick up someone else’s workload in their absence. I simply said I want my lunch break. You know something that’s critical to you living like eating.
It was one of those baby boomer versus generation x debates that really was not a debate. We’re talking about eating. Not about say the history of them doing sit-ins so that they could eat at a booth, bar, or table with other folks. So when you call me spoiled, make sure it’s relevant.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. ~Ambrose Bierce
I'm going to hit you with a 3 part epic, all focused on logic. Each piece will focus on different points in my life where logic and common sense had to be used to combat the forces of dumbness. Understand that there are many more situations where I fight for the normal minded but as of today, this is all I can remember :-). Hey, blame it on old age!
Do you remember the infamous Malice at the Palace a few years ago? Quick refresher, it was a NBA regular season game between the Pistons and the Pacers. Pistons player Ben Wallace was peeved at what he thought was a hard foul from Pacers player Ron Artest and pushed Ron. Artest went to the players’ scoring table, laid down on his back, a fan threw a cup at him, and madness ensued. Players fighting fans, players fighting players, just complete chaos.
Anyway I bring this up because the night the Malice happened, I was in my MBA class. A few of my classmates actually witnessed the brawl via the TV breakroom as it happened, then came back into class to let a few of us know what happened. One of the cats starts talking about the NBA being nothing but a bunch of thugs, which I didn’t understand nor care for. I felt frisky that evening so I decided to question what he meant by that comment. He was like c’mon Waldini they are thugs, just look at them, always fighting and attacking folks. So I started naming names to see if he thought they were thugs. Grant Hill, Shaquille O’Neal, Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki were players that immediately came to mind. Again he goes “you know what I mean, most of them are thugs. Name me one sport where they fight more than the basketball.” I retorted “Hockey.” He got upset and again goes you know what I mean.
Another classmate adds fuel to the fire by saying “They are thugs by just all the tattoos they have on their bodies.” Again I shoot back “So if I told you I had a tattoo of our company name or logo on my arm, would you say I’m a thug or someone that loves the company.” And then I showed her my tattoo on my arm. I should have came back with so are NFL and MLB full of thugs because quite a few players in both leagues sport tattoos as well. They just wear more upstairs than the NBA players. Of course, there's a deeper reason why she made that comment but I'll explore that in later posts. (Memo to self, discuss "Who's afraid of the rich black man?")
You would think that would be enough bad commentary but nope one other classmate had something to say. He said that Artest should have let that cup thrown on him slide because he makes more money than that fan. So I said “ok well you are a manager, I’m a regular employee, and I’m pretty sure you make more money than me. So if I throw this Coke on you right now, are you going to let it slide because you make more money than me or are you going to jump over this desk to swing at me?” (I actually seriously thought about doing this to prove my point further). Again another one of those “you know what I mean Waldini” comments came from his mouth as well.
The above story illustrates the crazy logic that goes on in some people’s minds. How does having a tattoo on your body equate to being a thug? Would you simply just walk away if someone threw something at you, even if you knew they made less money than you? And what sane person doesn’t believe that more fighting happens in baseball and hockey today versus basketball? Let’s just say I’m the wrong person to debate with sometimes, because I like to disarm you with facts instead of fiction.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Let me first say my favorite form of music is and always will be hip hop. I listen to a lot of other types of music but rap has always been first in my heart. That said, I am close to abandoning hip hop. The quality has suffered since the golden era of the late 80s to early 90s. And when I say suffer, I mean I'm hearing songs from cats comparing women to candy. Has hip hop fallen that far? Most of the artists today aren't original and I swear all of them used to deal drugs. Their saving light was rap and got them off the streets. That is one of the dumbest things I have heard. So if rap didn't work for you, all you got is the streets. Muthafucka, get a job and earn the money the hard way like other people.
I'm at the point that I am ready to record "Get your knees dirty" or "Wash your mouth out" and get paid big time dollars to make an ass out of myself. Hell, I might even called my kids "Lil Kibbles N Bits", find some nursery song, create a song, and make millions off them.
The worse thing I ever heard was when a rapper came on one of those rap shows and the host asked him "What makes you different than the other artists out there?" The rapper had the audacity to say "I keep it gangsta more than the others out there, yo." Hey stupid, you ever heard of NWA? They were the first rap group/act to do gangsta music therefore what you are doing isn't different from they were doing in 1988.
The sad part is hip hop is making more money today off bullshit songs than off the quality that was produced in the golden era. And the quality that does exist today, you have to dig for it through various channels like pandora.com, hiphopdx.com, hiphopsite.com, etc. Aw hell, I guess I should just buy a extra large pair of pants, put on some designer something, and crack open a 40 oz. Crappy rap I embrace you....HOORAY BEER
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I enjoy the occasional white russian and/or rum punch and/or Hurricane and/or Heinenken...okay you get the point, Waldini likes to drink. And I enjoy these drinks in a social setting like Happy Hour. These two are great meeting points for the minds to get together and shoot the shit. Unfortunately sometimes people and places have a way of screwing that up.
Point #1 - Co-workers
If I had a nickel for every time I went to happy hour with co-workers and actual work was the topic of discussion, I’d be a millionaire. I do not know if it’s lack of personality, a decision to not discuss non-work items, or that simply you live for work but it has to stop. I did not work 50 plus hours in a week to discuss shop for another 2 plus hours. Please talk about something more interesting like the good looking woman in accounting or else SHUT THE HELL UP. If we are off the clock, why would you want to bring up work in a social setting? Exactly my point, you are talking about something you hate which makes no sense. You’re turning my hour into an unhappy hour with all this bullshit about how rough the week was or how the boss is being a dick, etc.
Point #2 - Location
Equally as bad as talking about work is the choices where my co-workers select for happy hours. Hey stupid, if you live in a big city, it’s guaranteed there are places in town that have drink specials, appetizers specials, or both. Stop picking the spots that charge FULL price for drinks during happy hours and only offer bar peanuts as snacks. I’m consider myself a Happy Hour connoisseur and I’ve been places where they offer you $2 you call it (the good liquor) and have buffet lines that serve steak and chicken. Geez, I feel like I have to educate the clueless on the best spots for truly unwinding after a hard week. Again, if I’m spending over $6 a drink during Happy Hour, which means it’s truly an unhappy hour for me. Can I go home now?
The next time your co-workers ask you about Happy Hour, lie and say you are headed to Bible study or something along those lines. One, it ensures they won't ask you out again b/c they feel you are more like Ned Flanders and less like Homer Simpson. Two, you then can set up happy hour at a spot YOU like and invite people YOU like. You know ones that talk about more important shit like why does Jeff''s breath stank all the time....
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Point #1 - Denial
“Take your slice of pizza and go the fuck back to Africa” – Do the Right Thing
Does racism still exist? Raise your hand if you think it does not. For those that kept their hand down, you get a cookie. Why the sarcasm you ask? Because you are a moron if you think racism no longer exists in America. Yeah, I know what you are going to say:
“Waldini, schools are no longer separated so all our kids will get the same education”
“You guys got affirmative action to make sure you get into college and get a good job”
“I don’t understand why you are so angry; I mean you make all this money from sports and entertainment”
Let me ask you, specifically white America, a question. Would you have a problem if your daughter or son decided to marry someone from a different race? And if you had a problem, then what would be your reason? Would you subliminally think about yourself first and be worried about what your family, friends, and neighbors would say? Or would you become a victim of stereotypes and associate what you see on TV or hear on the radio with your child’s love interest? If you are having deep thoughts as you read my words, then my friend, you are a racist.
Oh you’re not a racist you say? You have friends with different cultural backgrounds that you talk with all the time you say? Ok, wiseguy, I will take it a step further. When you go out to lunch, who do you usually go out with? And how would you describe the skin tone of your lunch counterparts? When you go out to parties or happy hours, what is the majority race that is present? Have you ever gone to a party and you were the only race represented? How did that make you feel? Again, if you are having deep thoughts as you read this, then my friend, you are a racist.
Still laughing of my words huh? You say I am not accurately describing you and that I need to take my foolishness elsewhere? Ok, I have another round of questions for you. When you describe a person, do you usually include the race in front of the noun? For example, I ask you how would describe the guy and you reply “He’s this tall, big black guy, blah, blah, blah.” Any reason you simply can’t say “He’s a tall, big guy.” And course my ultimate question, have you ever used a derogatory term specifically meant for a race at any time in your life? Whoops, I think I just hit the jackpot.
Racism has and continues to exist today in society. It’s nowhere near as bad as the early to mid 20th century, but people act like it doesn’t exist anymore and equal rights reign supreme. Yea, equal rights exist for those of the same complexion and tax bracket. But last time I checked, I don’t remember them telling stories of getting pulled over for a busted “tail light.” Riiiight.
And in case you wondering, I used to be racist, simply because I did find myself thinking hard about those questions and did some of those same things above. But at least I admitted my faults and constantly work on overcoming my flaws. Some of you can’t even get out of the denial phase.
Stop judging folks by the color of their skin and more on what's on the inside. Sounds cliche and simple but really it's not that difficult. You'll be amazed at how much you have in common with someone.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Point #1 - Keeping It Real
I do not know where it started but I do know that it needs to end. And I'm talking about folks bragging to each other to see who's life was the hardest than the other. Instead of celebrating where we at now, we want to talk about eating fried bologna sandwiches and eating one meal a day. I remember one time when I was young, some kids cracked on me because I did not know about only having two pairs of pants. They said I was not keeping it real. Guess they did not know that my both my parents came from low middle or low income situations, worked they asses off to attain what they want, and decided they wanted their children to have what they did not growing up.
Keeping it real to me means not feeling ashamed for having the finer things in life, especially when you work hard for it. I will never apologize for my speech, appearance, lifestyle, upbringing, etc. So while you out there keeping it real and living "grimy", I'll be keeping real warm inside my multi-level home in the suburbs watching ESPN, and surfing the net. That's keeping it real patna.
Point #2 - Leadership
"There are too many captains and not enough sailors" - Me, back in high school
Look, everyone cannot be a leader. But I grow tired of folks claiming to be one because they sound intelligent when they talk. That's not being a leader. What, you think you my master? These same folks are talking about what certain groups need to do as a people and rise but are not doing a damn thing about it. You need to sit yo' silly ass down and get in line like the rest of the folks out there. If you want to change the world, stop talking about it and just do it. Yea, Martin had a dream but at least he woke up to do something. He didn't continue to take a nap if you catch my drift. Otherwise if you do not feel like being a leader but want to make a difference, stop rocking suits and khakis, start wearing dashikis and cargo pants. Just don't come by house with that old Belly "Let's go back to Africa" nonsense.
Also on a personal note, stop congratulating me on becoming a team lead. That is like congratulating me at McDowell's because I went from lettuce to fries. Congratulate me when I become a high level manager, executive or CEO of a firm. Otherwise, just say good luck and let me be on my merry way. It's a harsh reality that I know you may have problems coping with but deal with it!
What have we learned in today's lesson kids? Keeping it real and being a leader are difficult in America. But if you stay true to yourself and practice the words that you preach, then everything will work itself out for the better. Otherwise stop fronting like you a gangsta when you know you went to private school and were raised by BOTH parents in the suburbs.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Today's topic focuses on education and the misconception about the educational gap, today's kiddies, and my own personal gratification from a good education.
Point #1 - Misunderstanding
There is a misunderstanding between wealthy Americans and poor Americans right now. Wealthy Americans believe poor Americans are dumb, stupid, and will never amount to anything. Yet wealthy Americans seem to be the dumb ones in their assessment. It did not occur to them that they benefited from a top notch educational system that made sure they were able to have a successful life. How do I know this? Because I went to private school jabroni, that's how! We were given access to computers, books written in the decade I attended high school, a real support system, etc. That set me up to be a success in life.
A friend of mine gave the perfect analogy for the educational gap that exists today. It's like you have two players on a football field that are about to race each other from one end zone to the other. However, one of the players is starting from 50 yd line, and the other player is starting from the opposite end zone. You think this is a fair race? Of course it isn't. So why would you expect someone who does not have the same access as another person to achieve the same amount of success?
Yes, there are exceptions to every rule but those exceptions are not the majority. So spare me the bullshit about "These kids are stupid or cannot learn". They can't learn because they are using history books from 1971 in the new millennium. Trust me, if the playing field is equal you will see more comparable results. But people don't want to see nor hear that truth.
Point #2 - Adolescence
You remember when you were went through elementary school, junior high school, and high school? Do you remember at some point being picked on, cracked on, or having a practical joke played on you? And do you remember your reaction? Something has changed dramatically since I graduated from high school (early 90s) because the kids today react a helluva lot different then I did whenever the situations above happened to me. And when I mean different, I'm talking about all the school shootings that have occurred in America and how people cannot believe these situations happened in "their town." The most infamous school shooting in US history took place at Columbine High School. A couple of kids donned some long trench coats, called themselves the Trench Coat Clique or Mafia, then went on a rampage. According to local folks, these kids had been the subject of verbal abuse by the peers, getting called names like "Dork" and "geek." I had a hard time trying to understand how verbal abuse would trigger someone to seek revenge by taking someone else's life. And at the end of the carnage, the assailants took their own life.
I bring up this story because I was early in my corporate career and got into a debate with a co-worker of mine. He said he felt sorry for the "mafia" because their parents did not love them enough and they felt as if no one cared about them. Of course, he conveniently left out that these kids were sixteen years old driving their parents luxury cars (BMW) to school, had their own room stocked with computer, personal phone, and TV. Yep, their parents didn't love them alright. Using this logic, then I should have went ape shit in high school because I had to PAY for my own car, which was a piece of crap 1987 Ford Escort. I had no personal phone, and a family computer that was shared by everyone in the house. Does that mean my parents did not love me? Hell no, it just meant that's the way it was for me when I was growing up. Do not give me that woe is me crap on those kids. Those kids were soft plain and simple.
Everyone gets picked on at some point in life. That's just the way it is. Resorting to taking someone's life is a chicken shit way of dealing with your problems. And why must they kill everyone instead of just the person or people they are angry with? Those cowards spared no one. I guess the kids living in single room apartments with a gazillion people, only 2 pairs of clothing, and truly no family support should just take their city hostage. The bottom line is this. Kids today need to get tougher emotionally and mentally. Stop watching TV and believing your problems can be answered by hurting people like your in a video game. Be mature and learn how to adjust to your environment.
Point #3 - Gratification
Were you considered a late bloomer while you were school? I sure was. Granted I did not experience the pleasure of having my lunch money taken from me or the shit kicked out of me on a frequent basis, I did struggle to get the "honey" in high school. It probably did not help that I was 5'4, 110 pounds (soaking wet), wore bi-focals & braces until junior year, and rocked the skin tight blue jeans courtesy of moms. But on the flip side, I was a honor roll student, a fairly decent athlete (lettered in soccer), bought my first car with my own money, and was getting scholarships to attend college. But that did not mattered to the honies as either I did not fit their pic of the ideal man. Don't get me wrong, I had a few girls who understood but the so called good ones wanted nothing to do with me. Crazy thing, their mamas were telling them to keep an eye on me because they said 'He's going to do great things'. That's probably the best advice Mama could have given them.
Now in college, my luck was a little better. In fact, I had a girlfriend freshmen year. But I do remember stepping to a few girls and they fronted on me, choosing to kick it with the "bad boys" and "thugs." Funny how times flies when you are about to graduate and you got a good job awaiting you? Those same chicks, along with new ones who learned about my status, were basically beating down my door senior year trying to be on my time. Like Mike Jones said "Back then, didn't want, now I'm hot, all up on me." Please, you could never be Mrs. Waldo because Mrs. Waldo would have been down with me when I was NOTHING!
Long story short, patience is a virtue and before you write off someone, assesses their potential first. You never know who you are dealing with and how that person will look or turn out down the road. I do know I got gratification from being able to reject those same chickenheads that turned their noses up at me back in the day. Poof, be gone tric!
Say your prayers, take your vitamins...and um yea right. Keep yo mind on them books and off dem gals. Truss me, those girls will come around. Don't think so, read the "Reality" section in the previous post.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Point #1 - Guys
“Man, there are no hot chicks in (insert location)!” – Today’s average male
There are some males out there that are currently living in a fantasy world. Their fantasy world is comprised of themselves and bunch of other folks who are blessed to be breathing the same air as the individual. In my short time on this earth, I have met and/or hung out with dudes who believe they are entitled the best, especially when it comes to dating. NEWS FLASH, you are entitled to nothing. I have some classic examples of situations where I felt these individuals needed a reality check.
I used to take the bus to work back in the day. One day, I remember riding home on the bus with one of my co-workers. He was vocal about his perceived notion that our company had no decent looking women. He was going on and on about him and his buddies’ comments about so-called “ugly chicks” until I could not take it anymore. I asked him what the females think about him and his buddies. He paused for a moment, then responded that these females probably think the guys are just as ugly as the guys think the girls are. The purpose of my questions was to have my co-worker really think about what he was saying, especially since he was balding early at a young age. He needed to take a look in the mirror before making comments about ANY female, regardless of our company.
Another scenario where I have encountered this type of thought was during graduate school. Many of the males routinely criticized the lack of eye candy in class. Their comments were often and on a consistent basis. Let me get this right, you are balding, overweight male with chronic bad breath and you have the audacity to demand better looking females in class. I think before you start making bold statement about girls, you need to get your self together first. My thing, I know for a fact if there were indeed “hot chicks” in our class, these guys would have kept quiet anyway and not did a thing. Plus it’s graduate school people…at this stage in our life, we should not be motivated by the opposite sex to stay interested in class.
Point #2 - Gals
I'm an equal opportunist so I believe the same speech is needed for my females out there. Some of you are living in a fantasy world right now. You believe that you are entitled to a good man, who has a good job, who lives a good life, and will you treat you good forever. For starters, you ain't entitled to shit. A good man worked hard to get to where he is so what you makes you any different. There is no way a good man will share his hard-earned wealth with a gold digger who cannot take care of herself.
FACT #1 - There are more women on earth than men. Knowing those odds, I am willing to take a chance on a woman because I know if she says no, her friend will say yes. Why do I know this? Because it's math stupid and I cannot lose. So while are you are thumbing down your nose at me thinking I am not worthy of your treasure, know that your friend is getting hers and you could have been in that position. Women need to understand the law of probability.
FACT #2 - You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Some women love to pump that Destiny Child's Independent women bullshit but trust at the end of the night they are dependent on the man for some things. You don't believe me then think about this, when a man and a woman go out on a date who is expected to pay? And if the man decides not to pay, do you think the woman will go out with him again? But I guess the rules are different for dating, huh? That sounds like bullshit to me. Guys, here's some advice. The next time a woman starts talking that "Are you gonna buy me a drink" or "Are you gonna pay for my dinner" foolishness, just start singing "The shoes on your feet, you bought 'em, the clothes you're wearing, you bought 'em, because I depend on me". Singing this song reminds them what they told you in the beginning. They are independent women.
The lesson here is that people have flaws and tend to talk out the side of their mouth when it comes to the opposite sex. Take my advice, know your limitations and lower your expectations. Trust me, if you want high quality men or women, you better be making high quality money or hope that the other person is blind.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Point #1 - Fat Free
Many times I see people buy fat free cookies, fat free ice cream, anything-you-know-you-should-not-be-eating that is fat free. I am here to set the record straight people. There is no such thing as fat free. If you want to know what fat free cookies taste like, remove cookies out of the equation. Then you truly will have something that is fat free. I'm sorry people but if I see another person debating between which fat free ice cream sandwich package has the most calories, I am going to walk up behind that person and slap the packages out of his/her hands. Then I am going to take them over to the vegetable section and tell them to eat some celery or carrot sticks. That along with the 2 Ws (water and walking) will help you lose that weight. Not this bullshit about eating fat free stuff.
The other thing that drives me absolutely up the wall is when I go to places that serve greasy food. How in the hell are you gonna order a value meal, super size it, and then ask for a diet drink? That is just bad logic to me and I will never understand it. Again, remove greasy food from the equation and just walk. Eat some salad, drink some water, run a few laps and call it a day. McDonald's can't say save you man.
Point #2 - Fat Kids
People, there's an epidemic that's sweeping the nation right now and it's bigger than cancer, AIDS, or any of the other so-called big diseases out there. That's right, I'm talking about fat kids. I don't know when it started or how it happened but America has a LARGE amount of kids that are fat and out of shape. I saw a little boy the other day wheezing and bending over from just walking to mailbox from his house. That's barely 20 feet!! What the hell, am I being overly mean or hard on these kids? History says hell no.
The problem is most of these kids are lazy. Back in the day, I remember my mother, father, grandmother, etc would force us to go outside and play all day until it got dark. Now parents are letting play station and Xbox run these kids' lives. They come from school and immediately go to playing video games. All that sitting and they are not burning off any of the energy. Do me a favor, unplug the system, hide it, and tell your kid that if he/she doesn't lose 20 pounds in 20 days, then the system is going to the pawn shop. I guarantee those kids will be moving around more.
Some feeding your fat face and walk. Damn, it aint that difficult. And I don't want to hear those excuses about it's harder for you to lose weight because of some family gene. That's just an excuse for you don't want to get your lazy ass out the bed and do something about your life. But if you are content with your shape, then don't get sensitive when people crack on you.
My name is The Great Waldini. I’m nobody famous, no one you probably know from back home, back in the day, etc. I’m just plain old Waldini. I’m a thirty something young man with views that I want to share with the rest of the world. Some may view my commentary as harsh but I’ve never been a person to mince words. What I am saying is from my head and my heart. If you are offended in any way by any of my words, I am probably talking about you. How does that old saying go “The truth shall set you free?” Well boys and girls, strap on your seatbelt, and get comfortable because we are going on a long journey.
If you're interested in reading some of my previous work, check The Commission. I'm a regular contributor to the site with my 2 compadres, Gangsta D and Da Realist. Other than that, get ready for a regular dose of yours truly, whenever I feel like it :-)