Wednesday, December 16, 2009

All I want for Christmas

"..And this Christmas will be, a very special CHRIST-mas, fooorrr mmmeeeee" - Donny Hathaway 'This Christmas'

The Honest Man hit you with a Christmas Story last week. This week, I'm letting you what's mandatory to have a successful Christmas. Mandatory you say? That's right jabroni, MANDATORY. If you haven't experienced the following things during Christmas, you might as well call your holiday season unfulfilled :-).

I. Christmas Songs

  1. Donny Hathaway's 'This Christmas' - The grandaddy of all Christmas songs. Yes better than "White Christmas". Yes even better than "Silent Night". And damn sure better than any Christmas song that came out after 1991. Don't be fooled by the imitators. Donny's version is the one you have to hear.
  2. Jackson 5's 'Santa Claus is coming to town' - They put out a Christmas album featuring this but for the most part, the album is pollywollycrappy (shoutout to Nelson Meanie). You only need to hear lil Mike blowing it out like no other on this. I can't help but feel like a kid when I hear this. Let me go get my milk and cookies :-)
II. Christmas TV Specials

  1. A Charlie Brown Christmas - The greatest Christmas cartoon special in the history of Christmas cartoon specials. I'm not bullshitting you. Just classic stuff. Dope Intro ("Christmas time is here") .You got kids (the Peanuts gang), you got animals (Snoopy), you got romance (Lucy and Schroeder), you got the important message about Christmas (Linus' solo started off by "Lights Please"), and you got a bomb ending ("MERRY CHRISTMAS CHARLIE BROWN!!"). It gets no better. Stop frontin' and act like ya know....
  2. Fat Albert's Christmas Special - I think I was 6 or 7 years old when I first saw this. But I do remember one thing. Church's chicken was a major sponsor for the special for like forever until they stopped showing this. Sadly, they have shown the special on TV like once since '88. You kids out there today don't know how good life was in the 80s. If someone has the video and offers you to watch, you better take advantage. And yes it's better than that foolish Shrek special....
  3. Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas - HBO used to show this ALL the time. Just classic shit. Like the infamous lines "Look at the birds in the trees." 'We're not birds, we're a jug band.' Ha! Hell I still remember the barbecue song ("BARBECUE, bless my spirit, I swear it never fails, and the sauce just stays there together so you never get it under your NAIILLLLS"). Yep I need Jesus...again!
III. Christmas Movies

  1. A Christmas Story - Although Ted Turner has done his best to make me loathe the movie with the 24 hr marathon every year, it is still the best holiday movie. If you are thinking 'Home Alone' belongs here, then I'm thinking you need a virtual slap. Or better yet, I will do something to your toiletries, make you go blind, and have you telling your family "It was....soap.....poisoning! OOHHHHHH"
IV. Christmas Humor

  1. Raging Rudolph - "Hey whatso friggin important you interrupting my meal" Classic start-off to this HILARIOUS sketch that MAD TV debuted in the 90s. Took that old claymation stuff and flipped it into a historical masterpiece. Don't have me break balls on ya!

Today's Lesson

So there you have it. The Honest Man's list for mandatory viewing during the Holiday Season. There are others that I watch from time to time but I don't find those mandatory, moreso if it's on, I'll watch it (see Silent Night, Deadly Night, BET's top 100 countdown, This Christmas, etc).

Do yourself a favor. Wise up and listen. The Honest Man knows all. And he knows what's good for you. Kinda my own Christmas Soup for the Soul....CHUUUCHH!

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