Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde

I told you a long time ago, you fucking little monkey, not to FUCK ME! - Alejandro Sosa (Scarface)

You remember the infamous scene from "Scarface" where Tony Montana fucked up the assassination plot, which prompted Mr. Sosa to spit the above quote. I think it's appropriate for the next Honest Man story as this quote definitely fits the situation.

1997. Junior Year. The mighty mighty Morehouse. Hotlanta, GAHGWA :-). Let me just say Spring Time in Atlanta or at least in the AUC should be a goal of any young man that's trying to get his peek on. I'm talking bad ass broads from all realms of the world, walking around, sporty the daisy dukes, fake tripping when cats yell "Yo shawty" at 'em. It's just magical.

FYI, across the street from Morehouse is our female counterpart, Spelman College. In the 90s black movies, these two schools were the mecca for guys and gals. And in the movies, these guys and gals became friends, then lovers, and later husband and wife. Well in reality, shit just didn't happen like that. It was more like a dice game when it came to dating Spelmanites. Sometimes you hit on 7-11. Sometimes you roll snake eyes.

I had a homegirl at Spelman that loved being a matchmaker. She kept note of how many shorties I was always talking about and frequently commented, I need to calm myself down. She was one of the few who drank the Kool-Aid when they entered Spelman, so it was easy to maintain a relationship with her and not have her think I was trying to spit at her (which I wasn't). Anyway, she decided I need to meet a "nice" girl so she set me up on a blind date with one of her girlfriends. I agreed to this only because 1) I had never been on a blind date, wanted to see if I could hit 7-11 and 2) because my mindsight that year in school was GTD (Get The Drawers).

Crazy side story, I actually had two dates the day of my blind date. First date, me and this shorty I had been hollering at for a minute hung out in midtown and had lunch. I dropped her off back at Spelman at like 5, 6pmish. The blind date was at 7 so I rushed back to my dorm, quickly "freshened" up, and came right back to Spelman's front gate at 6:55. Yep, I definitely had ego in those days.

So the blind date strolls up, shorty I had to say was looking kinda nice. Like the Brandy song, she wasn't too thick, she wasn't too small, not too big, not too tall. We introduce ourselves to one another, then decide we should go to Houlihan's by Lenox Mall (RIP) for dinner. Along the way, we making short talk, and at that point, I'm like man she's pretty cool, not thinking my night was about to become a Nightmare on Peachtree Street.

So we get to Houlihan's, sit down, chop it up with the usual bullshit intro lines ("Where you from, what's your major, whatever the latest entertainment buzz, etc) and order our food. I remember the next part clearly. Right after we order our food, we start talking about dating. I don't know if that was her trigger to turn to Mrs. Hyde but this chick immediately started spurting off about these men "being sorry ass hoes and full of shit." To me, that's a general statement and not true. I mean imagine if I said all women are nothing but bitches and hoes. See how angry you just got ladies at that comment. Now reverse it and see how I felt when she made that blanket statement.

I started probing why are men full of shit and her response was pure comedy. You all cheat, you just want sex but you don't want commitment, ya'll afraid of a strong, independent woman, add in your favorite cliche statement. I was like that's not true, not all dudes are like and she's like yes ya'll are. Meanwhile, I'm praying where the hell is our food :-). You would think food would shut her up, but nope she kept going. She just kept coming at me with the you guys ain't shit stuff and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I finished my meal and said this isn't exactly the best way to kick off a first date. It's a turnoff but me being a nice guy, I can tolerate it. But you may run across a dude who isn't a gentleman and may treat you like a dude cuz of all the shit talking you doing. She like "Whatever, you ain't gon do shit." That was the statement that officially switched me into asshole mode.

Our check comes, I tell ole girl, I'm going to the bathroom, and be right back. I actually went to my car, and started driving down Peachtree. I'm like forget this tric, I don't need this shit, I'm going home. But then my conscience started talking to me, saying Moms raised you better than that. The good dude in me, went back, and found ole girl sitting in the front waiting. Funny, I was fully expecting her to go into bitch mode and make a scene but she was mad quiet. I think she was so angry, she didn't know what to say. She didn't say a word, just followed me out the door, got in the car, and was quiet the entire way back to campus.

I was more amazed at how ruthless I could be to an individual. But it also taught me that don't mistake my kindness for weakness. Might find yourself trying to figure out how to get back to campus when MARTA isn't running anymore.

Today's Lesson

Fuck with me all you want but Honest Man don't play that shit. LOL. I never saw that girl again and my friend never brought it up. She didn't hook me up with any of her girlfriends ever again either but hey that was one of those Chris Rock deals where ole girl needed to look in the mirror and say "Maybe it's just ME!!"