Saturday, June 13, 2009
"I've wined and dines with kings and queens, and I've slept in alleys eatin' pork and beans." - Dusty Rhodes
(Bernie Mac voice) A-me-ri-cuh, we in tough times right now. The housing market is kaput. Gas prices got people stealing gas out of folks' cars. Common household items like bread and milk basically cost you your blood to get. And corporations are throwing (translation: firing) people away like they everyday trash. It all adds up to what Waldini's definition of a recession. Well the word I would use a completlely fucked up situation but recession sounds much more professional, dont'cha think :-).
So what do you do about it A-me-ri-cuh? Well the Honest Man is telling you to hang in there, better days are a coming. And while you try to deal with the hard times, I got a recession proof strategy that should turn that frown upside down.
Back in the mid-90s, the Honest Man was a broke, ambitious, semi-intelligent bruh trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents (a dime and a nickel). During this same time, I was at Morehouse, and one semester, I had to take a Speech class. One of my speeches was to be motivational for the class plus it would be taped in front of them as well. At first, I had no idea what to do about motivation. Every idea that came to me seemed corny. Gangsta Rap? Too common. Girls with big butts and a smile? Too easy. Then it came to me after talking to a chickenhead one night.
I was trying to holla at this chick across the way at good ole Spelman. She tells me that she wants to go to Cheesecake Factory. Quick side note: at the time, Cheesecake Factory was the move and considered big time for college students. The meal, parking, and tip usually costs around $50 or more when it was all said at done. Anyway, in my mind, I'm like you want me to shell out that kind of cash, and likely I'm just gonna get a hug and a handshake. Get the fuck outta here, we gon do something low key like Fellini's, the college man's best friend. But that conversation motivated me. Motivated me to come up with a date plan for my fellow bruhs that were struggling with equally like minded chickenheads. The $5 date was born......
A-me-ri-cuh, if I told you that you could take a girl out for $5, would you believe me? Likely no, saying ain't no well in Hell Honest Man. But that's only because you are not thinking creatively. I'm going to show you multiple (yep you read it right, multiple) ways that you can take out shorties for $5 and keep your wallet from being financially embarrassed.
OPTION #1 - Dinner and movie
In every major city there is $1, $1.50 movie theater. For the two of you, that's 3 dollar max. Sure you are seeing the movie weeks, maybe months behind when it first came out but bottom line you seeing it. And the movie shouldn't be so important anyway, it's about the quality time you two are spending together so get over it. Anyway, you see the movie, and when you get out, ya'll probably hungry. Do you know where in America where two people can eat for $2 or less? You'll be shocked when I tell you this place is pretty much everywhere. Two words. Taco Bell. Two more words. Four tacos. That's right, you can get four tacos and two cups of water for $1.93. That's 3 tacos for you, 1 for the girl. (if you watching your figure ladies, you eatin' 1 taco LOL). That leaves you with 7 cents which you can contribute to your weak gas supply fund. But the important thing is you went out for $5.
OPTION #2 - Dinner and movie remixed
Ok, ok, your date's trippin', she's not down for the cause aka waiting to see a movie. She wants to fly first class instead of coach, so what do you do. You take her to the normal high priced movie theater. You are like how is that possible since one ticket costs more than $5 even with a student discount. Again, you are thinking creatively. Most movie theaters in America have teenagers working there who absolutely don't give a fuck about anything except quitting time for their job. So this is how you take advantage.
Find out the times of the movie you want to see. Also find out the movie length (call the theater, they will tell you). Find out the time of the movie that will let out before your targeted movie. Time it where you and your date are standing at the movie exit door as the first movie lets out. As folks walk out, ya'll inconspicously walk in, split up, and find ways to kill time before going into the theater (kids gotta clean the spot up first). When enough time has passed, ya'll meet up, walk in the theater and BAM, you've seen a new movie, in the theater, for FREE.
You got $5 dollars still in your pocket, what do you do? Do you double your pleasure at Taco Bell? Hell naw, you take that chick to Fellini's. That's 3 slices of pieces and 2 cups of water for $4.75. Again 2 slices for you, 1 for the date, AND it's likely you can cop soda for free since they don't check folks taking soda when they ordered water. TWENTY FIVE CENTS SAVED. That man Waldini is a genius!!!
OPTION #3 - When the car is not considered
Ok you are saying Honest Man those options above involve driving, which means you are burning gas. True, the above are making assumptions you got a full tank of gas and the car is not an option. BUT if that is a factor, I got another way to save on that. In Atlanta, we have this great transit authority called MARTA. Better known to Atliens as Moving Atliens Rapidly Through Atlanta. In certain MARTA stops, there is no security or attendant working the spot. Actually it's pretty easy to hop the train, even if security is working, you just have to be crafty. Regardless, scope out the spot, look for the openings, and then take the offer when it's there.
Then apply either Option 1 or 2 to this and with the Boom, Ping, Ping, you in there like swimwear.
Now I can't guarantee that you will get a second date with ole girl but I can promise you that you won't go broke trying to show ole girl a good time (good for you, probably bad for her but whateva, that's not the point). It's about recession-proofing your finances and that's what the Honest Man has done.
As for class, I got an A on that speech, my homies were motivated, and my teacher thought I was hilarious. I was about to trademark that idea. Hell if Rachel Ray can do 30 minute meals, I can do $5 dollar dates. That idea would save the country LOL.