Friday, April 9, 2010

Allow me to reintroduce myself

Dear Eldrick,

You don't know me and I doubt we'll ever be in the same social circles. But I feel like I know you because we're the same age and I've been hearing about you since we were in high school. So why I am mailing you now? Because as a fellow member of the greatest high school class ever ('94 represent), I felt I should give you some pep talk for this weekend's Masters.

I'm not here to judge you for your recent indiscretions because I'm not in a position to do that. I'm simple and common, and I associate with a lot of simple and common people. And these same people are passing judgment on you about how could you do something like this? Or what were you thinking about? I know you can't say it but Imma say it for you...Fuck 'Em. They don't know shit or need to know shit about you. A wise friend of mine says "You're only as faithful as you're options." I agree 100%. It's not like I have corporate groupies beating down my door on a regular basis. Shit, I'm fortunate to get a wink or a smile on occasion.

And for your peers who are talking shit too, they are just jealous they are not in your profession. I mean look at you. Your face and body alone can pull some decent honies. Some of your peers, well, um, let's just say that they should be happy they can sink a putt better than the average man. I mean think about it. You already make the most money, you win all the big tournaments, and now you taking their woman too. If that ain't a recipe for a hate sandwich, I don't know what is.

So I say all this E. Go out this weekend, have some fun, and if you even sniff top 5, drop a middle fingers to all those mofos who don't know the deal. And when you finish, you can emerge saying "ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF...."


The Honest Man

PS I didn't call you by your nickname because like Cedric the Entertainer said, "I'm a GROWN ass man." Aint about to call another man "Tiger"

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