Funkay like a Monkay

" Thats where he had the word "Goodyear" dermabrased off." -- Jim Cornette on Dusty Rhode's birthmark


1985. Channel 19. WLTX. Local CBS station in Columbia, South Carolina. Saturday afternoon. The Honest Man is a Honest Tyke and just received my parents' old 20 inch early 1970s TV. You know the pre-digital revolution days when TVs had turnknobs on them :-). I'm in my room watching cartoons and around noon, a live "sports" show comes on.

I'm half paying attention and half playing with toys in my room when I look up and see heavy set blonde man with this big patch on stomach. He's wearing underwear (hey when you are that young, you see a man without a shirt on, you think he's wearing underwear) and doing some crazy strutting around the ring. Another man is in the ring, brown haired, medium build, and is going apeshit every time the other man does his strut. He's also wearing underwear. Next thing I know they are "fighting", just wailing on each other. The blonde man gains the advantage and starts doing all these "moves." Out of nowhere, the brown haired man gets something put in his hand from some chick outside the ring. He knocks the blonde man out, then pins, and a bell rings. That was my intro into wrestling. The blonde was Dusty Rhodes, the brown haired man was Tully Blanchard, and the chick was Baby Doll. And it was on that day, the Honest Tyke became a wrestling fan.

The Honest Man is a HUGE fan of wrestling. Well actually used to be a HUGE fan of wrestling. Because of events like the WWE buying out WCW and ECW, the same wrestlers 10 years ago still being in the same position as they were 10 years ago in today's wrestling, and the lack of promotion rivalry, I have become more a casual fan. But make no mistake, I still like wrestling. And for some reason, I have taken grief from non-wrestling fans about "watching grown men in underwear."

'The shit is fake.' 'I don't understand how any person can watch this crap.' 'You're too old to be watching this.' 'Why don't you watch (insert any non wrestling TV show.' Yep, the Honest Man has heard them all. And the ones saying these lines are folks that watch science fiction, soap operas, and reality TV. But only my 'shit' is fake....riiiiiight.

Let's address that. For my science fiction fans who don't care for wrestling because it's fake, let me ask you a question. Which of these people is figment of your imagination? Spock or Ric Flair. Yes both are characters. Yes both are part of entertainment for their respective audiences. But only one is a human. And that my friends is Ric Flair. For the nerd universe, you can clown wrestling all you want but at least Ric Flair and his wrestling buddies exist on THIS planet. Why don't you throw a Vulcan sign up at that tric!

How about those soap opera lovers. Yep, they got some nerve too. One soap opera loving girl told me wrestling is scripted ahead of time and that is what makes it fake. And what soap operas aren't scripted?? Who the fuck you kidding? They not only scripted, they scripted for the land of unfucking believable? Don't believe me. They resurrect characters like Jesus multiplied loaves of bread and fish. I mean how many times can a show's main character "die" and come back thanks to some crazy nonsense. Oh yea b/c it's scripted. Just like wrestling. For you I saw we are part of the same team. But even more again wrestling may have some far out ideas (the horrible Triple HHH-Kane angle in the mid 2000s when Triple HHH getting on top of Kane's "dead" mama) but compared to soaps, a friggin blip on the radar....

And last but not least, my favorite reality TV lovers. The last time a reality show was real was the original Real World on MTV. After that, a format developed for shows, obviously good vs bad elements were developed to generate ratings and just like wrestling, it felt...scripted. Go ahead and laugh at wrestling, reality TV watchers. But when you got shows where people eat dirt and bugs for a million dollars, a rapper needs 3 consecutive years to find love, fat folks don't mind being called loser, and bad chicks need to live together to see how bad they are, I mean you're so right, reality TV is so much better than wrestling. And giving Keisha Cole's mama and sister their own show wasn't a bad idea either :-).

This is my thing. We all like different things for different reasons. I don't mind that you don't care for wrestling. I just don't need the novel that spurts from your mouth about why I shouldn't like it either. How would you feel if I berated you over and over about something I don't like? You would be like I wish this asshole would shut the fuck up! See how it feels ;-)

Today's Lesson

Some people like All My Children. Some people like Star Trek. Some people like Survivor. I like wrestling. Stop hating on me because I like something you don't. I only made those comments above out of defense. Truth be told, I don't give a fuck what you like. You could like monkeys humping each other on National Geographic. That's not my thing but hey I'm not gonna give you a lecture on why I don't like it and why you shouldn't either. So like my man says, if you can't get with my steez, you just do you and Imma do me!