Saturday, June 5, 2010

What'chu talkin 'bout Willis!

"What'chu talkin 'bout Willis!" - Arnold Jackson

RIP Gary Coleman. The Honest Man was inspired by the untimely death of one of TV's greatest characters and catchphrases. You know the above character. You know the show Diff'rent Strokes. And you know the plot. What the Honest Man didn't know until he got older was how badly written the show was. But I'm not here to talk bad on the show nor spend a post discussing the psychological effects that Diff'rent Strokes had on 80s kids. I'm here to talk about that catchphrase that fits exactly what I'm about to write.....

The Honest Man is married. The Honest Man has kids. It's none of your damn business what my wife does for a living, how old are my kids, what are their names, etc, all you need to know is I have a family. And being that the Honest Man has a family, obviously that means I have responsibilities. So if you know I have a family and have responsibilities, why are you fucking trippin' when I tell you that you need to schedule ahead of time if you want me to do something with you???

I remember having training in my home city with a few of my single co-workers. They decided near the end of the day to do an impromptu dinner and I said "I won't be there." One person goes "It's just dinner, can't your wife watch the kids for a few hours" My eyes rolled, I converted to Diddy, and "explained" that my wife works too. You think she's prepared after an equally long day to handle both kids when normally we tag team? Furthermore, it's not a matter of going to dinner, it's a matter of giving me a heads up so we can plan it out. The person was like man you just scared of your wife. It's dumb shit comments like that where I go, what'chu talking 'bout Willis.

Let's be clear now so I have don't have to repeat myself. The Honest Wife has no issues with the Honest Man hanging out. We've been married almost 10 years and I've done everything from go to strip clubs in the wee hours of the am to kicking it in Miami with da homeys. And nope the wife wasn't out of town or suffering from some disease. You wanna know why I got to do things like that? Because I gave her AMPLE NOTICE. I didn't run up on her the night of the festivities and go me, Craig, and 'nem going to watch a bountiful of titties and asses tonight, that cool? Fuck naw, I told her weeks in advance what was happening.

And before you go, oh man, your wife is different, if the shoe was on the other foot, I want her giving me a heads up too if she's got plans. She's gon out of the country without me and left the kiddos behind. She's also done the girls night out at her own Chippendale's type spot. Regardless of the location, she always gave me a heads up. Which meant the person making the plans made sure to give her a heads up. See how that works? Simple muthafuckas do simple shit like make going to dinner complicated. If you coming in town, let a dude know ahead of time so I can plan. It's real simple.

I've been single. I know what it's like to travel for work and go kick it at night. And truss if I'm by myself and have no one to worry about later on, it's an easy decision. But when I have my family waiting at home, my focus becomes them. Fuck what you heard, I'm thinkin' family first, friends and acquaintances second!

Today's Lesson

The Honest Man loves hanging out. The Honest Man loves talking shit with the best of 'em. The Honest Man likes a good time. Is it too much for the Honest Man to ask that you give him a few days notice instead of just expecting the Honest Man is available on five minutes notice. It's bigger than you chief! CHUUUUCHH

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