Blame it on the al-al-al-al-alcohol

"Blame it on the Goose, got you feeling loose (loose) Blame it on Petron, Got you in the zone Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol Blame it on the Vodka, blame it on the Henny Blame it on the Blue Tap, gotcha feeling dizzy Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol Blame it on the alcohol" - Jamie Foxx

I was torn between entitling this Post the aforementioned name or Another Songs in the Key of the Honest Man's Life. The reason was a complex one. Right now Jamie Foxx's new joint "Blame it on the Alcohol" is my new music crack. I wake up rushing to turn on MTV Jams, hoping they will play the video. I actually do a Honest Man no no and listen to the radio (another time, another rant), hoping to catch it playing. Doesn't that scream Tyrone Biggums?? What makes this bananas is that I have not been a fan of his music. But that hearing that song, just makes me think about how I used to be once I had the devil's nectar in me. And I definitely blame some of my past behavior on the al-al-al-al-alcohol.

1999. New Year's Eve. Atlanta, GA aka Hotlanta. Me and my boys decide we are going to ring in the new millennium at Club Esso's. Now my details of that entire evening are fuzzy for obvious reasons. But I do remember a few things. I remember beforehand, the club promoter charged us $35 at 9:30pm to get in. I remember him saying there was going to be a food buffet around 3:30am. I remember Jodeci's "Come and Talk to me (remix)" playing as we walked in. And I remember making a b-line to the bar to get crunked up. After that, that's when things get interesting.

I do not remember any song playing after that Jodeci song. I do not remember talking to any folks while I was there. I do remember being on the dance floor for what seemed an eternity, dancing with all kinds of shorties. But what I also remembered would haunt me for years.

Around 11:50pm, the DJ starts letting folks know that 2000 is almost here. Me and my boys are on the dance floor, doing our usual cut a rug number. At approximately 11:57, the following happened: they started playing Prince's "1999", two of my boys partnered up with two dope shorties (or at least they were in my drunken state) and I was temporarily by myself. Jealous, I also cop a female to get my dance on because I didn't want to feel left out. I remember one of my boys just completely fucking up the countdown (he shouted 10, 8, 1, 4, 7, 3, etc). When the DJ screamed HAPPY NEW YEAR, I saw my boys starting kissing their dance partners on the floor. Again, feeling left out, I did the same thing to my partner. However, I thought something was afoul and not my breath from drinking so much. This chick's breath smelled like bad Spaghetti O's and when I pulled back, I got a good look at her. I'll be damned if she didn't look like Grimace from Ronald McDonald, gap teeth for days! I quickly halfway sobered up and started doing my best moonwalk outta there. She was like "Where you going" and I'm like "umm, I need to find my ride" or some shit like that.

Man you would have thought that drunken encounter was like an alcoholic's version of Scared Straight. I just know for the next hr or so, I tried hard to get that horrible scenario out of my head. Thank goodness I didn't pull a Best Man ala Q and Shelby. But at least Shelby was a looker. This chick was a boogabear. And no, I am not apologizing for that. Indeed Blame it on the al-al-al-al-alcohol.

Today's Lesson

There will be times in your life, where you will blame it on the rain, the alcohol, whatever. That night, I definitely blamed it on the Henny that got me feeling dizzy.