Thursday, March 12, 2009

Honest Man Heartbreak

"Called up my girl and said
Meet me on the tour
I got a suite cold chillin' on the 50th floor
And i'll leave your ticket at the door
And baby... don't forget the pumps

She lost her backstage pass and the room key
Then got stopped by hotel security
And i spent the whole night lonely
And it was a hotel heartbreak (ahhhhh)" - Michael Bivins off "NE Heartbreak"

Do you recognize that verse above? It's the title song from the classic New Edition album "N.E. Heartbreak". For you young people out there, no New Edition isn't a new group that used the same album title as Jagged Edge. It's the other way around jabronis. Anyway, hearing this song makes me reminisce on my own Honest Man Heartbreak. And as you'll soon learn, my chick didn't get stopped by security but I definitely spent the whole night lonely.

Houston. 2000. Just got paid, Friday night, party hunters, I'm feeling right (ok I'm getting too much R&B nostalgia). Anyway, me and my mentor/rolling partner are plotting how to spend our evening. Since we both worked downtown, we decided we were going to hit a few bars up first to see what was cracking. The eventual goal was getting to this live music spot called Harlon's to see if we could make a difference in some young tenderoni's life (there I go again).

The best way to describe Harlon's is it's a bar/restaurant/live music stage/club. It can be any one of those things at any time, which can make it complex for folks. At the time, it was one of the spots where you find a mix of corporate negros and Silky Johnson's of the world. We decided to go that night because the NBA players were having a mini-function next door and we figured the odds were in our favor that we could pick up some of the crumbs the players didn't want. At least that was the plan.

When we get to Harlon's, the scene is thick. It's brought out all the dimes in Houston. Expected because some of them are golddiggers waiting to give some ballplayer their Lucky Charms and hopefully get the ultimate goal of getting that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Me and my boy walk in confident, head to the bar, cop some more drinks, and observe the room. I spot a few shorties in the corner and I don't know if the liquor was talking but damn they were looking like En Vogue. We decide to make our move but as we're walking towards them, they immediately get up and go the other direction. I'm like damn, I hope my breath doesn't smell like old bus seats, and pop some Trident in. We continue towards the females and see they are gathered around someone. That someone was Magic Johnson.

Magic's sitting there signing a lot of female autographs and the girls are just salivating over him. When I tapped one of the girls, she just gave me the look, and flipped back around. I heard one of the girls say that 'Ooh Magic is soo fine.' In hater form, I say within earshot, "This don't make no muthafuckin sense. This dude has got the friggin disease and these broads are willing to give up the drawers to him still. I'm clean as a whistle and I can't get no play. Oh Helll naww...." I mean think about that. I'm in my early 20s, my sexual prime, my clothes match, I got a job, I don't live with my mama, I don't have kids BUT I can't beat out an overweight, retired, HIV carrying NBA player. Humble pie, thy is my master.

Side note: The Honest Man also later in the evening was beaten out for another shortie by the past his prime, the new overweight lover in the house, the artist formerly known as the Reignman, but now was known as the ThunderMan (because of the weight) aka Shawn Kemp. That just added more hater heat to the fire.

So how did this movie end? Do you really need me to spell out? Let's just say I took a very angry cold shower when I got home. It was indeed a Honest man heartbreak (ahhhhh).

Today's Lesson

It doesn't matter how tight your game is. If you go up against a very famous celebrity or athlete for a shortie, you losing. Now let me go continue to sip on my haterade. HIV my ass......


PrimeTyme said...

Not even gonna mention that Magic and Cookie were still together. Broads were straight scandalous...

Jeremy d Ellis said...

There is alot of HATE in this post. HATE HATE HATE HATE.